Well I'm having one of those weeks, I try to stay positive but it seems around every corner is a brick wall and I slam smack dab into it, obviously I'm no superman either...cuz superman is the man of steel and well I'm not a man and I don't even have buns of steel...
If you stop reading right here I will completely understand, this is a venting session of sorts for me...
Abby's Sweet 16 is coming up...I know right! Well I can most certainly promise you she won't be appearing on MTV's 'My Super Sweet 16' show, although when it's all said and done the X-factor and myself 'may' be appearing on Jerry Springer...
I don't like the X, there is a reason we are divorced, I tolerate him for Abs and Reese's benefit, I am cordial and rarely gripe about the fact he owes upwards of $30,000 in back child support, child care and medical exspenses.
I only occasionally gripe that he still calls my dad and recently my BIL, why can't he stay out of MY families life, MY life... in May we will have been divorced 15 yrs. Seriously it is so fustrating-if you only knew how rude and dismissing he is of me in front of Abby & Reese, then to my family he is a different person...it's hard ya'll...
So when he called Abby last weekend to plan her sweet 16 party I was a little taken back, NOT because he wanted to do a party for her BUT because he was letting her have a friend party...Now how in the HELK am I suppose to have a party for her, I can't honestly expect her friends to come to two parties...It would have been nice for him to consider the fact that maybe we were planning something as well...
Before I go on, your probably saying... but Georgie you dislike Children Bday parties, going to them OR having them, isn't that why you bribe your kiddos with cold hard cash...yes TRUE all TRUE BUT this is a special milestone Birthday...even I recognize that fact.
So I do what any good mother would do...I close my bedroom door for privacy then swear, stomp my feet, shed a few tears and call the X-factor to implore him that we do this party T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R. It's silly to have 2 parties days apart, surely we can put our differences aside and work together for our daughters sake...surely...
Abby invited 20 of her nearest and dearest, to a dinner party, at her favorite restaurant, he will take care of the bill, then I will buy the cake,invitations and any incidentials.
I bought these to go inside little tiny bags that we will decorate and make into place settings putting each girls name on the bag-with 20 girls I thought place setting cards were in order-forgive the quality of the photo-my camera is broke so I had to use Jess's cheapy thingy-it's a wired star necklace set. Hey Nikon or Cannon contact me...I'm certain I could take a good photo with one of your cameras
Just something little, goodie bags are so cliche' for 16 yr olds but I wanted to add a personal touch...
The X has officially complained about the number of girls she invited(she asked him how many friends she could invite...his words...you ONLY turn 16 once so you decide) then he told me I was just ree-dic-u-lous for buying the necklaces and paying $75-100 for a cake...I know the cake is a bit much, I wish one of my friends did cakes, she wants one of those yucky tasting BUT oh so pretty fondant cakes and I'm no Betty Crocker, Cake Boss OR Ace of Cakes...what's a mom to do?
So I lock myself in the bathroom turn on the shower and sob because I'll be damned if he is gonna get the best of me in front of the childrens and I refuse to let Abby know how hard it is dealing with this man-it's not her issue, it's mine. So I take my moment, suck it up and put on my happy face, chanting I can do this...I can do this...
Needless to say I have been a bit preoccupied as of late-the invitations have been sent ONLY to find out Abby will probably have to cheer at a playoff game the night she planned her party AFTER she confirmed with 2 coaches that NO you will not be cheering for that game...so I let her lay her head in my lap and cry as I told her... it will all work out...it will all work out...and no she can't miss the game-10 of the 20 girls she invited are on her cheer squad and I don't expect those girls to miss the game either...
If you have read this far and you have an X-factor feel free to make me feel better by saying yours is worse than mine...
Changing thought process-we are still waiting on 3 SSS participants to confirm they received their exchange partners info PLEASE check your email and let us know you did in fact receive the email with your exchange partners info-otherwise it leaves me scrambling to try and fill those spots with elves...and removing your name from list...
My confession for today: It is just a BEAUTIFUL fall day today and I think I will go rake some leaves and clean out my flower beds
I don't have an X, but my daughter does. Whew! I have to repent on an almost daily basis regarding that piece of...never mind. I feel ya, girl. You're a wonderful mom for doing all you do and trying to keep your kids out of the middle. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I had 2 Sweet 16 Birthday Parties (2 surprises in fact) a few days apart - one at mom's one at dad's.
ReplyDeleteThe ONLY things I've had just 1 of since my parents divorced is a wedding and a bridal shower - I put my foot down on these.
And, I have to say, it all worked out okay having 2 of things. 2 birthdays, 2 graduation parties, 2 Christmases, everything...sure, it was hard to decide who got the 'actual' day of things and who got to go earlier or later - but it all worked out w/o any stress of worrying if mom and dad would play nice.
OMG!I feel her pain,...I had to cheer on my sweet 16 and my boyfriend was part of the rival school,.. and I was to have a lil gettogeter for diner too,... Ugh! oh well, u are right it will all work out!
ReplyDeleteHope she has a fab o time, cause she will and I am still on the look out for my SSS special things!!!
happy day!
Ok after reading that I will stop complaining about my X. Girl you have the patience of Job and should be sainted.
ReplyDeleteOut of EVERYTHING you just vented about, let me say this. In the big scheme of life you get an A+. You did what was best for her and not what your emotions told you to do. You changed the memory of what your 30 year old daughter will look back on. And when she's 30, she'll be old enough to understand just what a great mom you are. You had the common sense to understand your 16 year today, has enough stress with trying to find out who she is. And you just helped teach her how men and women are supposed to interact. That makes her one step closer to being a well-adjusted woman without even realizing it!!! Good for you!!!
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie; I feel ya, I really do.
ReplyDeleteThe stories I could tell you about my ex would make your head spin. I know it's different with boys but when D turned 16, ex did absolutely NOTHING for him. NOTHING. Hell, he didn't even wish him a Happy Birthday until like 10 that night. Ass. That's just the tip of the iceberg.
The best thing you can do is just what you're doing; try. He has no real clue how much it costs to raise a child, as he hasn't been the one doing it-right? Of course he's going to bitch about the cost of the party he willingly offered to help pay for.
Breathe babe, breathe. It'll all be okay, and Abby will still love you when it's all over.
I am soo sorry!
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry you are having such a difficult party planning time. It will all work out and Abby will remember what a great party her 16th was.
ReplyDeleteI dont know how you do it ..I have an X and no way do I want to plan anything with him...hes such an ass and I swear hes become more of an ass AFTER I divorced him! Im sending you a BIG HUG to help you get thru all of this!!
ReplyDeleteOh girlie - it sounds like you and I have a TON in common!!! My X also owes over $30,000 in child support and he is NOT on Oklahoma's most wanted for child support! Our state STINKS where that is concerned! He did not see our children for 5 years! 5 years!!! And last November (2008) one of our WONDERFUL judges decided that the children need a relationship with their sperm-donor! SERIOUSLY!? You have GOT to be freaking kidding me!!! Yes, so now... a year later...we do the every-other-weekend thing. I have to act like an adult who couldn't give a ratt's butt less about him! He's spent time in PRISON - GREAT role model for the kids to be around! And now...I'm having one of your weeks, because my 11 year old is getting in trouble right and left! We just got done with a one-week suspension from school! But hey....the judge knows best, right?
ReplyDeleteI know things will work out for Abby and her sweet 16! :) You are her mom and you will make it special for her - if you have to jump through rings of fire to do it!:) And one day...I PROMISE you both of those kids are going to look back and realize HOW much you did for them, by having to deal with a loser!
Thank God you were strong enough to get out of that relationship! I'm sure everyone is better off! :)
I will say a prayer for you! And tell Abby I said Happy Sweet 16 - you are only 16 once! :) ENJOY!
I have no words of wisdom....what a difficult situation, and stress is an understatement.
ReplyDeletePain is pain....no matter how anyone else sees it....and this is painful for you and hard to deal with. I guess, I'd just try and grit my teeth, get through it, and put it behind me....think of it as a pretense for a wedding years down the road...sorry...just being real....as the kids get older, the problems get bigger in most cases....hugs Georgie...you are a strong woman and strong women can make it through for our kids.
Thanks for your visit today, I know these post are a Debbie Downer....but they have helped me to release these feelings and in doing so, I hope to help someone out there struggling too....Hope your daughters sweet 16 turns out better than you could imagine...remember to post pics!
I don't have an X or a comparison story, but I do feel for you. I do know how miserable Xs can be; I've seen them in action in my family. I'm sorry it has to be that way, but I have learned in my life that we have to deal with reality, not what we'd like reality to be. And that? SUCKS. But your daughter will have a wonderful birthday because you, like every mom who has gone before you and every one who will follow after, are going to put yourself aside for the sake of your children. I think it's remarkable that you're doing so and I know you'll get through it just fine! Especially if you "accidentally" trip and spill some hot liquid on him or something...;)
ReplyDeleteOh, Good Lord, that man needs to be slapped upside the head. Why don't men think? He probably didn't set out to plan the party to piss you off, but still, can't he stop to think that MAYBE her Mother would like some part of her Sweet 16 party!? Duh! Hope things get better. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteTo hell with him. You're doing an awesome job cuz you're doing what Abby wants. That's all that matters. And she loves you more anyway so :p on the X.
ReplyDeletei will not say my X is worse......but we have 2.....mine and my husbands.....and we have custody of all the kids so trust me an X wife who could care less only AFTER we make plans can also be a real pain in the you know what!!!!!!! but i do believe at 16 we started having chats with the kids from time to time if something came up and it didn't go the X's way and then things get crazy.....just to tell them what REALLY was said!!!!! we do not bash the X but we tell the kids the truth!!!!! and yes we too would love to get a check from each X for the amount they each owe....can you say VACATION......wow i can not imagine feeling good about yourself knowing you do not help support your children......and do not feel it is your job because you do not have custody......wow is all i can say!!!!! so my only advice is hang in there!!!! i do feel your pain!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWow. It really sucks to have to do all this, but you are such a great mom. I hope it gets better; if not better, easier.
ReplyDelete"If you have read this far and you have an X-factor feel free to make me feel better by saying yours is worse than mine"...
ReplyDeleteDoes almost, maybe, he doesn't know etc...count? (((Hugs))) to you :)
You are a great mom and you are putting your daughter's feelings ahead of yours. You are being the BIGGER person (and not in a fat way). Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYou can lay your head in my lap and cry. I will also tell you "it will all work out!" because it will.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry! He sounds like a turd. And you my friend sound like a GOOD MOM :o) Vent away girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteYou really do sound like a great mom! It's so good to keep your venting away from your kids and not let them see how much it upsets you to have to deal with the X.
ReplyDeleteI personally have one of the worst X's ever!! My sons' 16th bday was a big to-do. I saved almost all year for it. I rented a van and took 6 teenage boys to a waterslide resort for a night and THEN, if that wasn't enough, let 9 boys spend the night at my house the next night. It was a big deal! No other bday party has or ever will be that wonderful (on my part anyway).
What did his dad do for him? .....NOTHING!!!!!!! He didn't call, didn't text, not an email, not a card. NOTHING. My son saw him at a family event a month later and told him he was upset about it and his dad responded with "I didn't think it was that big of a deal."
Granted, they don't talk often anyway---but his 16th bday?? Or ANY bday for that matter??? They are ALL a big deal!!!
SO- it's good your X is doing something. It IS frustrating that it wasn't the best option for you. In the end--you are a good parent and that's all that matters. :)
Oh, girl, it sounds like we need margaritas and cheetos!!! I feel your pain - Bubba's X-factor is bad...nuff said. What time is happy hour?
ReplyDeleteUgh....Sorry Georgie!
ReplyDeleteJust a bit going on in your world right now. Sorry you have to deal with all that.
I like the necklaces, they are cute! Can't wait to see what the cake looks like. I bet it is really cute too.
When I had to suffer through an ordeal like that (wedding) for my daughter, I spent five days with the ex and his wife. I just figured that for my daughter, I could kill anyone...with kindness.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want to be the reason she had for bad memories. Let him be the jerk, I was all happiness and smiles!
Oh Georgie...I am so sorry you have to deal with this! I don't have an X but I can tell ya stories from my friends...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that something as special as her sweet 16 party is turning into a complicated situation and so stressful!
ReplyDeleteI can relate to your misery with an X. Mine is a nightmare from helk (as you call it, lol).
ReplyDeleteWhen my daughter got married, we couldn't even have him there for fear he would get drunk and embarass my daughter to death.
You can vent all you want...when you are dealing with an X, you get that right to vent.
Hang in there.
X wants to be involved, very involved.
ReplyDeleteOh-oh. Tell me you did not just say "fustrated." Please tell me that was a typo. Because I love you, I will try to let it go, but I'm just making sure....please tell me you didn't say fustrated.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I have that off my chest (and onto your already loaded one, sorry). It sounds to me like you have the makings of a great party underway. Keep taking deep breaths...
Atta girl, Georgie, just keep breathing...YANNO :) your daughter will remember this birthday....just keep humming Hey Jude and don't let him get under your skin. She and her pals will have a great party, thanks to her mom.
ReplyDeleteAnother mantra for the day "Rise above it honey"
My X has been officially recognized as an asshat by his Very Own Daughter (and I did NOT contribute to her opinion, 'cause I was too busy humming Hey Jude and gritting my teeth...)
I wish I could make it better for you. Just go slow and do your best as I know you will--as eveyone has said YOU are a good Mom and in the end it will all work out. Keep your chin up and look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeleteCome by again soon, it was great to see you.
Melinda
GIRRRRL!!!! You vent away. That is one of the wonderful things about blogging. Get it out here -- we're here for you. You are one mighty mama. Keep that beautiful chin up!
ReplyDelete:-)
I think the star necklaces are really adorable. I wouldn't mind getting one.
ReplyDeleteI feel quite blessed that my parents didn't disrespect each other in front of us kids. I can't imagine what you're going through.. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteSorry Georgie. That stinks!
ReplyDeleteI didn't have a birthday anything for my 16th. I take that back. I had an ice cream cake that I had to share with the fam. I hate sharing my cake. :)
I think,birthday parties are always involve some kind of drama, hope yours turn out to be fun. Happy birthday to your daughter...
ReplyDeleteSorry. I do think your daughter will have a good time though.
ReplyDeletei don't have an x, georgie, but if i DID have one, he would suck so much worse than yours.
ReplyDeleteyou are so good to try to keep your kids blind to the assiness of your x. i think i would be ranting and raving.
it WILL all work out and it will be magical.
Aw Georgie, I wish I could tell you that my ex is worse than yours, but I don't have an ex, so I can't tell ya that. What I do have is a super crappity crap husband to deal with... one that I WISH was my ex. Does THAT make you feel better?
ReplyDeleteAnd, just call all the girls who were invited and switch it to another day. The show (or game in this case) must go on!
Justine :o )
So sorry you're having to experience this difficult time but... you're handling it better than you may think by not putting your child in the middle. And one day, she'll understand how much you went through to make her special day, one she will always remember.
ReplyDeleteVent away, darlin. That's what blogs are for!
ReplyDeleteThanks for entering my blog giveaway!!!!! Good luck!
Girlfriend you are handling this like a pro! You are a good Moma and your kids know it and love you for it. In the end that is all that really matters. As for your X - he's an A_S and in the end your kids will know that too. : )
ReplyDeleteI understand a lot of what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteI have been divorced for ten years, and still deal with issues such as this.
When is enough enough, I wonder.
Georgie, for the past few years my ex has been paying child support although he did not for a long time prior to that. I am just happy he does pay it now even though it is always late. There are so many deadbeats out there. However he has little to no relationship with our son, who is 14 and has no idea what it is to have a Dad. His behavior towards his son makes me happy that I left him. He was as distant as the moon in our relationship and he hasn't improved with age. I think you are doing a great job with your daughter. As others have said, you are giving her great memories instead of a time fraught with tension. Just go with the flow and remember he will be out of your hair after the party (at least until the wedding :))
ReplyDelete