Normal is so over-rated...I now give you the reality that IS my life and my mind as of late...I guess I can call it, the Wal*Mart parking lot edition that happened in one day...
1) Some 40 something male perv (yes I know that word is so very judgemental of me-I have already asked for forgivness) breaking his neck for a look at my almost 16 yr old and since I am not in my right mind, sleep deprivation does strange things to you, I yelled from my open window...
'SHE'S 15 YOU PERV' then I slid down in my seat
2) Once I declared it was safe to sit up I watched as the cart rally guys gathered up the carts that were left all over the parking lot, narrowly missing parked cars because they(the cart rally guys) were apparently 'over-compensating' as the stacks of carts they pushed grew and grew, the whole mentality of mines bigger than yours...
3) I noticed some lace laden handcuffs hanging from someones SUV rearview mirror, then I wondered if the person that drove the car had kids and how on earth they explained something like that to them...then since the cuffs were hanging in the car I hoped they had lysol, and again since the cuffs were hanging in the car I could only imagine what their bedroom looked like...then I secretly hoped they would come out of wal*mart before Abby so I could see who the person was, then I laughed at me for being nosey
4) I saw a mom come out of my local small*mart and she had 6 girls, S-I-X ( I can barely handle the 2 I have, I just can't fathom 6), they were all so sweet, holding hands and hanging on the cart, helping each other-so unlike my own childrens, I could feel the love from across the parking lot, I contemplated asking her what kind of drugs she gave them...but I was affraid she would think I was junkie since I was bra-less,had wild hair and dark circles under my eyes...
I immediately thought of Jess and this 'phase' she is going through-I say phase because it better be or you all will be seeing my mug flashed across your nightly news. Her phase is driving me insane, leaving me to question my stellar parenting skills or lack thereof depending on the day.
Simply put, I forgot it was her Birthday and have been paying the price for being the worlds worst mother-you all have done that right? RIGHT! Lie to me for petes sake, PLEASE. Well all the days leading up to her big day I kept saying I need to get a card, I need to do this, do that, then Tuesday rolls around and she is leaving for school and she says So I Guess NO ONE meaning me is going to tell me Happy Birthday!
It doesn't matter to a 12 yr old that you have spent 10 days straight at a hospital and there was no exscuse I could offer, I SUCK! So... Oh you want your ear cartlidge pierced-sure hunny(seriously she got her ear cartlidge pierced), you wanna take all your money out of savings and blow it on skittles and air heads-no problem(I can not confirm or deny this one), You want me to rub your
Where was I...ah yes, the parking lot...
5) I 'hear' some 20 something male talking loudly on his cell about how he got pulled over and he didn't have a drivers lic yada yada yada, he is just walking back in forth in the lot talking as if the person on the other end of the phone has a hearing aide, then out comes my Abby and out comes his neck crooning and this time instead of yelling and sliding, I stared at him as she walked to the car, I slid my sunglasses down so he could see me in all my bra.less.wild.hair.scary.dark.under.eye.circle.glory.giving.him.my.stink.eye, then I opened my car door all the while making eye contact with him-staring him down, I was fully prepared to chase him down, tackle him and personally show him the 'Exorcist' head turn while penning his hands behind his back with my knees and possibly spew some green vomit for good measure just to make sure he thinks twice the next time his eyes get the better of him...just keepin it real
It's Friday and I am taking my first day off in 11 days from my home away from home, St Francis, in just 2 short weeks Abby and Jess have managed to rack up between them 1 F, 3 Ds and 4 Cs, my attendance is required at their schools today, my family wants their mom/wife back. Everyone except Jess wants my nose in their bidness again.
Abby has started leaving me notes saying things like:
momo I need to talk to you
momo I need lunch money
momo I cried today
momo 6 girls got cheer demerits but I wasn't one of them *YAY ME*
I am not sure why she calls me 'momo' but I like it
Jess has also left me a few notes:
GEORGINA I am soooooo mad at you
Gina can I go to Church with Julianna on Wed
Georgie I am still mad at you
Gina I need lunch money
I have no idea why she calls me by my first name and the variations of it but I don't like it, but she is 12 and quite frankly scares the crap out of me at times...just sayin
Reese, well, he sent me a text: because REAL men don't leave notes and I don't even text-Eric reminds me constantly that I just cost him 10cents-men
Yo I need lunch money
I also left a note:
Dear Family, I need a THERAPIST! Love Mom
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My confession for today: I should be in Dallas at Jills house, have a drink for me girlies, that way I can claim I am there in 'spirit' get it? ahhh I slay me-yep i'm sleep deprived
Tonight I am joining in Ann Agains VGNO so if you have nothing better to do tonight click over to join in the fun