I really dislike doom and gloom but sometimes life deals you your hand and you have to make the most of it. I like to think of myself as a strong person, a realist even, a never let 'em see you sweat kinda gal... even though 'secretly' I am the biggest freaker-outer you will ever have the pleasure of meeting.
Through everything we have been told over the past two weeks, I kept my sweaty pits and nerves at bay while secretly at night I would cry into my pillow-it's not that I don't wanna show emotion...believe me I can get 'fired up' real quick but rather I have been trying to be strong...strong for my sisters,strong for my children...just strong. Strong is over-rated ya'll...
I call my daddy 2 or 3 times a day to remind him how great I think he is-to tell him I love him how very much I Love Him,we spent Easter with him, our entire family...it was fun...it was what we all needed. BUT we need more...more time,more days like Sunday,more memories....more more more...it's not fair...he's only 63...we all live on borrowed time I guess...
I got sick on Easter-I thought it was nerves then Abby got sick as well, then Tuesday Reese starts feeling bad...we can't be around daddy IF we are sick. So I have not been able to go down and stay with him...he is pretty much home-bound he will get out and ride his 4-wheeler to get his mail(which he probably shouldn't be doing-BUT are you gonna tell him no? me either!) He doesn't drive now,which means someone has to take him food and or come get him and take him to town...us country folk say 'goin to town' I may live in the city but I will always be a country girl at heart....it will always be...goin to town...
To say I am scared is an understatement...to say I am disappointed that I haven't been able to stay with daddy is also an understatement...so last night when I called him, he asked me to contact MD Anderson in Houston for a second opinion, I knew I could tackle that...Daddy is a fighter...so now we wait for MDA to get all his medical records and see if they think they can help him...I hate waiting...but I did what I could...
I know how bad things are, but I have to keep the hope alive and have faith, in the meantime the realist in me comes out and knows there are things we must face and deal with...like funeral arrangements,music for the celebration of ones life and I wrote my first obit last week...yes full of my bad grammar & poor punctuation skills-that I was once mocked for and I left important things out-the paper is covered in doodled ♥hearts♥...but it is just a rough draft...isn't that what we all are...a rough draft...of something bigger and better to come? I must have faith that it is...
Can I ask a favor? Please keep my dad in your thoughts and Prayers...please...I don't like all this sadness I have been posting, I am trying to re-find my happy,my weird sense of humor,my posts about my lively,crazy but lovable childrens, Lord Knows I'm trying...
My confession for today: I can Only Imagine... by Mercy Me
Sorry to hear about your Daddy Georgie. I will keep him in my prayers. Try to keep your health up and take care of yourself so you can spend as much time with him as possible..
ReplyDeleteYour dad will be in my prayers. So sorry you are going through this. Sending my love and prayers. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteGeorgie, you don't have to be strong here. This is a perfect place to vent your emotions so you CAN be strong for the rest of your family. Those feelings have to come out somewhere. While we love the happy, weird you, we also love the all too human you as well. Don't feel you have to be superwoman. Let us hold you up occasionally. I know whereof I speak. My oldest daughter died unexpectedly four years ago this Sunday and I had that "never let 'em see you sweat" mentality. It didn't get me anywhere except lonely. Everyone thought I was dealing so well, so they didn't call or come by. There were days I couldn't get out of bed, but no one ever knew--because I always had my game face on in public. I'm the worse for my stiff upper lip. I've fussed enough. I'm here for you--whether you're happy, weird, strong, or a puddle on the floor.
ReplyDeleteYou have every reason to post sadness to your blog..after all, this is your blog and these are your REAL feelings and emotions. I hope that you're all feeling better so that the time that you all have together is filled with laughter and special memories. Hang in there!!!
ReplyDeleteI love this song!!!
You are stronger than you give yourself credit. Always in my thoughts,
ReplyDeleteRobin
You got it. Prayers heading his way...and yours.
ReplyDeleteHallie
You've already been on the prayer list and will stay there.
ReplyDeleteToday, on what would have been my daddy's birthday, you and your daddy are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletePraying for you all!!
ReplyDeleteAnd, praying MD Anderson has good news to share!
Times like your are facing are never easy. I have been through this several times, and may it comfort you to know I understand and care. It is amazing when you have to, you seem to find the faith and strength to go on. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteTake my best wishes and take care
ReplyDeleteTake care, Sweetie. I'm a prayin' for ya!
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl! Big Hugs from me! Love Ya Girl!
ReplyDeleteI love that song, too, Georgie! You, your dad, and your family are being covered with prayer.
ReplyDeletePraying M.D. Anderson will be able to help.
I've been wondering how things were going...
ReplyDeleteThat picture is absolutely beautiful...
We are here to listen, Georgie. That's what friends are for! Hang in there. You and your Dad are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHey Georie I am here 4 you, and I mean that! We should connect soon, all my love friend!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good fight! We are all here for you.
ReplyDeleteYou know that you will be in my prayers and thoughts.
Blessings to you and your family.
Melinda
You know you and your family have my prayers. Just keep on going 1 step at a time....this earth life is just temporary for us...and oh girl, I can only imagine.
ReplyDeletemy thoughts and prayers are with you and your family xx
ReplyDeleteOH girlie! Our daddy's are the SAME age! I can not imagine what you are going through! You are STRONGER than you think, though!!!!
ReplyDeleteI love ya and you will always be in my prayers!
I'm so sorry. The waiting/stressing/dwelling is the worst. I'm praying for you and yours.
ReplyDeleteYou got it, sister. Prayers for Dad headed your way right now.
ReplyDeleteHEY! I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU SO MUCH. IM SO SORRY YOU ARE HAVING TO GO THROUGH THIS PAIN. I KNOW IT WEIGHS HARD ON YOUR HEART AND SOUL. IM HERE FOR YOU ANYTHING OR ANYTIME.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOU!!!
GENA
It's so hard dealing with a loved one's illness. My prayers are with you, your Dad and your family. I have been thinking a lot about you lately and all you're dealing with. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteYes, prayers for peace for both your Daddy and you. I'm so sorry. (and I love that song)
ReplyDeletePraying still for you and your Daddy. That song always makes me cry. . .
ReplyDeletegeorgie, i read this and i related to your pain. although my father did not have cancer or a deathly illness, he died suddenly of a brain aneurism two years ago. he was in the hospital for a week before i had to say goodbye and i was with him when he passed..although he could not respond. i relate because it is so IMPORTANT to pray and to stay as strong and positive as you can. i am going to share with you an entry i wrote not too long ago...that contains an older entry i had posted on myspace at the time of my unsureness of what was going to happen:
ReplyDeletehttp://kacycovington.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-heart.html
this entry made me think of that...i just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers and so is your father. love always,
kacy
Thinking about all of you!!!!!! keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!!!
ReplyDeleteI loved you connection between life and a rough draft......so very true!!!!
hang in there....wish there was something i could help out with!!!!!
take care and hugs!!!!!!!
i also call it going to town!!!!! :)
You don't have to be your usual self right now. Just be who you are right now. Showing your kids that this is not okay, that this hurts, is not a bad thing. Praying for you, hon. {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteOh honey. We are so sorry that you and your family are having to deal with this. Strength and love to you.
ReplyDeleteGeorgie, don't worry about what you're writing here. It's your blog, your outlet, your place to feel free to tell us ANYTHING you're feeling. I feel it's an honor for us to be able to share in not only your good times, but your times of grief and sorrow.
ReplyDeleteI find it unbelievable that your dad wants a second opinion now. The man is a true fighter. No wonder you feel so much pride for him.
Just keep lovin' him.
Justine
Still sending hugs and prayers. That song is so amazingly powerful.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Look at all the friends you have who are the perfect audience no matter WHAT you are saying. So say what you think. Tell what you feel. No one is here to be ENTERTAINED.
ReplyDeleteOh Georgie. My heart is really breaking for you and your family. Beautiful song and you are so right - this life is a rough draft. What a great way to see things.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear, I'll be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. My husband lost his 64 year old father last summer, and I can only hope it turns out better for you. Lots of love...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for what you're going through! I'm sending you a virtual hug and I'll keep your daddy in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeleteHillary
Hello--I'm a new reader of your blog. Just discovered it tonight and read this touching post. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.
ReplyDeletekeeping you and your family in my prayers- I will continue to do!
ReplyDeleteYou and your father are in my prayers. God bless you all -- you do NOT walk alone.
ReplyDeletePlease remember to take care of yourself during this time.
God bless.
Traci
Praying for and loving on you my friend!! XO!
ReplyDeleteNo need to ask. He's already there.
ReplyDeletePrayers of peace for you as well.
Praying for you, your dad, and your family!!!
ReplyDeleteGeorgie ~ We are praying for your dad and for you. So glad to hear you have called MDA. We go every 3 months and I would suggest them to anyone and everyone that needs them. The staff is the best.
ReplyDeleteYou are a good daughter.
Georgie, I will keep your entire family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThat song makes me bawl. I downloaded it shortly after my dad passed away and my mom wanted me to burn a CD for her of her favorite songs. I added it to the list she gave me. She'd never heard it and loved it. It's so comforting.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Sweetie.
I'm thinking of you and your family. It is so hard to see a loved one so ill.
ReplyDeletePraying for your Dad....I have not had enough blog time lately...So glad that I stopped by tonight..Be sure and stop by main blog
ReplyDeletehttp://teresa-grammygirlfriend.blogspot.com/2010/04/i-think-god-smiled.html
and witness a miracle.
I will be praying for your dad! I love my dad so much, I am calling him right after this! Hugs!!
ReplyDelete