If You Really Knew Me...

I'm watching this new MTV show...if you really knew me with Abby last night, it is intense,raw,emotional and real...almost hard to watch as these young adults reveal things they have kept guarded,hidden away from the judgmental eyes/ears of their peers...

Abby stands firm in her convictions, knows right from wrong and is very shy which comes across as snobbish, after watching the show she gets on facebook and posts a 'if you really knew me' status update then she proceeds to tell others how shy she is and that there is going to be a 'new her' this year.

Of course I love her just the way she is BUT I get the whole shy factor and how not feeling comfortable in a big group setting can be and I also get how other people can judge you for being a shy, quiet person, it's not until they spend time with you that they realize you aren't a snob or think your better than anyone...

So I am going to do my own version of If You Really Knew Me...

If you really knew me then you would know that...

♥I am a very giving person, if I have it and you needed it, it would be yours no questions asked, I would go without to be able to help someone out...

If you really knew me then you would know that...

♥Even though I share on this blog all kinds of things, in person and in a big group setting I am pretty reserved and always feel awkward never quite knowing how to keep the flow of conversation going...I once set in my car before a big blogger meet-up coaching myself on conversation starters...I still BOMBED!

If you really knew me then you would know that...

♥That shy factor I mentioned up there goes out the door with family...with family I am TOO opinionated and I am in the process of learning to keep my mouth shut...it is a slow process, the need to be in control and know everything that is going on is a powerful thing, but I am working on it...

If you really knew me then you would know that...

♥I often feel like I have failed as a Mother...that I feel like no one respects me in this house especially when all I do is bend over backwards and sacrifice for my children...I am hopeful that one day they will realize how hard parenting is...

If you really knew me then you would know that...

♥A principle of my childrens school once told me I was intimidating, I told her I was offended and I considered my involvement in my childrens education 'passion'...however that statement has haunted me for years...

If you really knew me then you would know that...

♥Due to recent events in my life I had to visit a doctor to get medication for depression and anxiety...

So tell me...IF I really knew YOU, WHAT would I know?

My confession for today: My glass is half full...

Fantasy Island

The ladies over at RHOK are asking 'What is your idea of a favorite vacation?'

Boss The Plane The Plane....

We have taken many vacations over the years and I have enjoyed them all BUT the question is MY idea of a favorite vacation...

Let's stop and look at the word vacation-

Pronunciation: \vā-ˈkā-shən\
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive
Etymology: Middle English vacacioun, from Anglo-French vacacion, from Latin vacation-, vacatio freedom, exemption, from vacare
Date: 14th century

1: A vacation is a period of time during which you relax and enjoy yourself away from home.

When I am on va-ka-shen I don't wanna do anything but relax NONE of our previous vacations have been about re-lax-A-shen...more like go,go,go

So I give you Bora Bora

 photos google images

Sure it's touristy but I look at those photos and go AHHHhhhh...one day my friends one day...lounging on the beach a cool ocean breeze and handsome half nekkid cabana boy at my beckon call bringing me fruity drinks...yep that's IDEAL!

Of course there are several other tropical destinations I would love to visit like Seychelles island off the east coast of Africa,Curacao Located in the Caribbean Sea, or the Pink Sand Beaches of Harbour Island

So what's YOUR ideal vacation?

My confession for today: IF your gonna dream...dream BIG

Grief Support

They say laughter is the best medicine, but lately I am having a hard time finding my funny bone, with the exception of the other day I was coming out of the bathroom and Abs was coming in and the door collided with my knee, that made me laugh and cry and wince and say farfunuken a whole bunch of times.

Hospice has been sending me grief support brochures,letters,little booklets and I have been devouring them like the pioneer woman's Olive cheese bread.

Don't get me wrong...I am not walking around like a zombie, I'm not sobbing all the time, It's not like I can't function...it's more like a piece of me is missing and I feel empty sometimes.

I will walk past the fridge where Jess has taken it upon herself to be in charge of all 'papa George photos' and every few weeks a new one pops up and I stop and think back to when it was taken, what we were doing...you can see the happiness in their eyes, all 3 of my children sitting on daddys lap-YOU were never to big or old to sit on Papa G's lap, I can almost hear his voice...

Then a tear will fall and I rub the photo and say I Love You Daddy...

I have a point here...amidst all the info from hospice I found they offer grief support groups and even though I may feel like I am 'keeping it all together' I find that I have a need to discuss some things and don't want to be a Debbie Downer to my friends nor do I want to bother my sisters when they themselves are still grieving-

So I attended a group meeting where I could share my frustrations,my loss, why I feel the way I do, Why I think the way I do...I was surrounded by others in various stages of loss, I was welcomed with open arms and no one judged me, if I said something that came out wrong or made no sense no one accused me of anything and the best part...I didn't hurt any ones feelings...something that I have done lately, not intentionally of course...

They let me talk, they listened, they nodded in understanding, they told me the way I was feeling was completely normal, some had been through similar situations. It was nice,it was healing, it helped...

It's a 6 week class where you meet once a week...it's a commitment I intend to keep....

My confession for today: Confession is good for the soul...