In Honor of Back to School

I posted this back in March on the georgieporgie blog site and figured since school is fixin to start you all can help me to "Just Say No" or at the very least I can be reminded why I should NOT sub this yr when my phone starts ringing at 5am...So in honor of school starting back up, won't you please take a walk down memory lane with me...

The Life of a Substitute TeacherPosted by georgieporgie on March 31, 2008

Before I start this lil blogger I wanted you to know that I am sittin here contemplating the whole SAHM aspect of this blog and how I can re-claim that!

So it’s Monday night and I pick up the phone and call the “sub hotline” I listen to my job list and almost push 7 to “cancel” job. I don’t, I have commited myself and even though I would rather walk barefoot on hot coals, I decide this must be done. I lay out my clothes for the following day and try and sleep…

I awake at 5:00 am Tuesday bright eyed and bushy tailed,shower,flat-iron my hair-do,apply my face,sip some go-go juice,watch the news, wake the beans and make them breakfast-it’s their choice,whatever they want-they deserve a hot fresh breakfast, right?
We head off to school/work and I am ready to make an impact on a beans life. I am alert and driven. I have my lesson plans in hand and by golly everyone is gonna have a good day…
1st hour: I have the only 7th grade class of the day-they are courteous and attentive and I really adore them. They are doing 141 Geography Q’s that we will work on all week together-I have my handy dandy answer key and they have their books -the deal is this: We will work collectively as a group as long as everyone tried to answer a question here and there and I will make sure they have the correct answer IF they try-They do and you will not hear me refer to this 7th grade class again in this blog…they were rewarded with “heads up 7 up” on Friday because they were a GREAT bunch of beans!

2nd hour: ahhhh my planning period-they tried to take my planning hour away from me later in the week and I threatened to leave and never return and as an added bonus I threatened to remove my 2 beans from the school IF they tried to make me fill in for an absent teacher who couldn’t find a sub…I got my planning period all 4 days…cuz thats how I roll…

3rd hour: a decent bunch of 8th graders,kinda talk-a-tive but I think most student beans always try and see what they can get away with when a sub is present. I lay down the law or ummmm the weekly lesson plans which basically had us reading chapter 15 section 1 through chapter 15 section 4 for the week,then doing a reading guide and re-teaching guide then a quiz per day. We can do this the hard way OR the easy way, I ask them which way they want explained first…

4th hour: another lively bunch of 8th graders,more talk-a-tive then the hour before BUT none-the-less get the same speech as the above class

the HELLION hour: words truly can not describe this class but for the sake that anyone does read this blog I will try. Think of the worst “group” (it MUST be a group) of beans you have ever encoutered then multiply by 10. If you need a refresher course on this class then click here. This class of 30 proudly boasts 4 lovely lil girl beans the rest are all boy beans. They are a chapter ahead of the other 8th grade classes because it is the, gulp longest hour of the day…They get a speech too-just not so much like the previous classes.

6th hour: my oldest bean is in this class and really it is a pretty good class, out of all the 8th grade classes- by far the best class-it is a smaller class 18 beans and 2 were absent so that equals 16…oh they get the speech too…yanno the hard way OR the easy way

7th hour: I seriously think about renaming this class the “hellions part deux” they were the rudest,most disrespectful class of the day, yep even more so than the hellion hour. They get the speech too…and then some…

Just to clarify “the speech” & “the hard way vs the easy way”

The easy way: I have the answer key for everything we are doing for the week and I basically let them know we can read each section in the chapter aloud then answer the guided reading and reteaching guides together as a class,BUT everyone must participate meaning I didn’t want 2 or 3 of the beans answering all the questions I wanted full on class room participation and I would make sure they had the correct answers..in the end everyone would get a 100% for that days class-work. PLUS I would do a quick review of the quiz with them before the quiz(I didn’t let them know BUT I used the actual quiz as the review in class) ALL they had to do was pay attention-the days work would be on the board, YES you need your books everyday this week, YES I will be here the rest of the week…

The hard way: You read silently,I give you the handouts you do them on your own and you get whatever grade it is you get…and the review, you do on your own…oh and by the way YES everything is due at the end of the hour whether you are done or not..and YES you need your book and YES I will be here all week…pretty simple right?

I get this lil folder with pertinant info, like office extensions for ICE,the room key,my teachers badge proclaiming me a sub teacher for the day and a lil sheet I like to call the “Don’t ask IF you really don’t wanna know how my day went” questionaire…I fill it out stating up until 7th hour I feel the day was productive BUT 7th hour was very rude and disrespectful-I drop all of the above off at the office and go home….I did notice there was no happy hour coupon or a stun gun in the folder.

I awake at 5:45 on Wednesday kinda red-eyed and bushy tailed,shower and opt to do my hair curly,apply my face,sip some go-go juice,listen to the news,wake the beans and instead of a home-cooked breakfast they get frozen options that I am more than willing to fix for them…

We arrive at school where the assistant principle greets me at the door so happy that I returned a second day(this schools teachers sub record isn’t so good-usually they come, show up for a day, only to NEVER return again…)and asks me to explain who was the problem in 7th hour the previous day-I inform her the whole damn class-they sat where they wanted to,they talked over me,even after I had explained what we would be doing for the day, they were more interested in who was goin out with who and OMG DYK(a lil homage to a fun game) then when I was moving on they would be like WAIT!!!! what are we doing????? she said to expect a visit 7th hour from the principle…

remember I said you wouldn’t hear from 1st hour again because those lil suckers just flat out rock….so on to…

2nd hour: at last check, they didn’t try to take my planning hour from me EVEN though they were short 2 teachers for the day

3rd hour: they are very close to “the hard way” but a few stern words an they are back on track

4th hour: again like the previous hour-they really aren’t sure I mean BIZ yet

the HELLION hour: they live up to thier name today,loud,rude,obnoxious,out of control-Thank goodness I wore my comfy clothes today(khakis,white tee-shirt,levi denim long sleeve shirt and gators-in case I needed to run far away) I give them the speech again and let them know they can work independantly and they can get whatever grade it is they get…

6th hour: I find out that I apparently let oldest bean cheat on yesterdays quiz(gotta love the word of mouth-NO really if you need advertising for your biz just turn it into a small rumor and whisper it to an 8th grade girl bean-BELIEVE me it will spread like wildfire!) and that she is getting special treatment because I am her mom…pffffttttt I say I would NEVER ever cheat her out of her education…supposedly I let her re-do yesterdays quiz UNTIL she got a 100%…well she did get to re-do yesterday’s quiz BUT ONLY because she has class-room modifications in effect, while everyone else made a 90% or higher she made a 20% when that happens she allowed to re-take OR re-do her work-technically she should have been able to use her book BUT being her mom I didn’t go that route-she re-took the quiz to get a 70% without a book…

7th hour went smooth because the “principle” was present…One student came in tardy and I was told to mark him tardy meaning he gets afterschool detention…I ask him where his book is…he doesn’t have it, I ask him “didn’t I let you know yesterday that you WILL need your book?” he replies “yes” and the principle says you can go to SAC you are NOT gonna sit here and do nothing! SAC=a no talking, very prison like class room-I could NEVER sub for the SAC class I like to talk to much….

They didn’t give me the “Don’t ask questionaire” today…but I turn in my key and badge and head home….

I am mentally and physically exhausted at this point…mr gp is on the night shift and having to stay awake when he gets home at 7:30am to take lilest bean to school at 9am then come home and try and sleep,I am getting off work running middle bean to track practice,taking oldest bean to tan,then picking up lilest bean,then getting middle bean from track practice,then coming home and trying to cook and do homework-I wanna stop right here and say a lil diddy to all homesteads who have 2 working parents OR even a single parent household, who do this daily regimne(i don’t know if i spelled that right-spell checker isnt working) and pull this off MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL! Because I am spent! I find myself praying for the asteroid and trying to find a way to bring liquor into the school-house,not to mention my gaylord poster-I mean all things are possible with and IF you have a gaylord poster! I am NOT complaining…just venting…and I REALLY want my SAHM doodies back and back right now!

Thursday I wake at 6:00am bright eyes and bushy tails a thing of the past…I am groggy and not a happy camper,I shower… while downing my go-go juice(YES I am in the shower with a cup of coffee) AND without wetting my hair(I am multi-talented)-it is getting pulled up ina clip anyway…the morning news, whats that? I haphazardly apply my face-I wake the beans and tell them there is cereal on top of the fridge, that it is yo-yo morning(meanin your on your own)

Oldest bean looks at me and says “your goin to school lookin like that?” I wonder how many years I would get for a child murder… perfectly justified in my eyes however I opt for the response of “I don’t have anyone to impress, shoot those hellions barely know I am there”

No one meets me at the door today…but thats ok…I pick up my folder,my key and my badge-they are prolly pissed because I refused to give up my plan/free hour…pffftttt to them…

Skip to 3rd hour and they are startin to see I mean buisness-IF I am gonna stand up here and read paragraph by paragraph with you THEN go over the answers with you to ENSURE you get a 100% then by golly you better have your book,pen and paper and be prepared to work!

4th hour pretty much the same as above

The hellion hour: Oh Lord ta Day they chose this day to throw rocks at me, when I say rocks I mean the kind you find in a rock shop, that you fill up in a lil velvet bag(I know this, Thanks, yet again to mr gp and my beans LOVE of rock collecting) they are out of control-I literally have to raise my voice and I ask them “have I been such a bad sub?” “Do they not enjoy having me?” “WHY OH WHY are you acting this way?” I call the office and ask for assistance…while waiting I have flashes of the last time I subbed for this class-when I thought I would surely die or at the very least come out disfigured…it’s 10 mins till lunch time and the assistant principle arrives to go row by row and check pockets for rocks-I seriously doubted she would find any contra-band because I picked up at least $25 worth of rock shop rocks off the floor,out of my shirt and hair-good grief I didn’t need lunch, I needed a drink! The asst principle didn’t find any rocks on any bodies and the students were given a mere 12 mins for lunch…WHY WAS I BEING PUNISHED??? that meant I got those same mere 12 mins for lunch too! No “good” buzz can be had in 12mins….

6th hour: I had a bone to pick this hour, someone accused me of letting oldest bean cheat-if you know me,then you know this couldn’t be farther from the truth(fortunately during my Blessed 2nd hr plan time I got to speak to the actual teacher and let her know what had happened regarding this rumor-she knew better and told me I owed NO ONE an explanation) I chose to give the explanation…I start off by saying one of you or two of you or maybe the whole lot of you thought I let abby have an un-fair-advantage on Tuesday’s quiz,then I asked them if any of them had an IEP OR knew what it meant to have a classroom modification? They didn’t, then I asked them if any of them ever had a rumor started about them, well 90% of the classroom raised thier hands…I told them all, I owed them an apology and that abby had a classroom mod and that meant if she failed a test/quiz/assignment she could re-do it(I wanna stop and say I sent oldest bean to the office with the attendance and asked her to take her time-meaning she wasn’t present for this conversation) I explained that during the past 2 days there were several other students in different hours that had classroom mods in effect and that I had let them re-take thier tests and even let them take thier tests home to re-do…I let them know if they felt they were given an unfair advantage then they could re-take thier test when Mrs Smith returned to school…the BIG Q of the DAY what did WE make on that quiz…so I called out all test scores, again the lowest being 90%(aside from oldest beans 70%) no one said they wanted to retake the quiz…I asked them to please, not judge, just on sight alone and sometimes things are not as they appear and if they are ever in question they should feel comfy enough to just ask….

7th hour: They are on their best behavior because yesterday we had admistration in our classroom-I do have them read on thier own and work on the hand-out and let them know it’s due at the end of the hour….

What I don’t get is this…IF I am willing to stand up there day after day and read with them,then go over the reading/re-teaching guides with them AND go over the actual quiz with them AND make sure they have the correct answers WHY in the world would they not care OR not try? I didn’t sit down for 4 days, nope I walked back and fro reading and keeping up with hellions who could have cared less…BUT I cared and if I could be a fly on the wall in 35 days when they take thier 2nd semester tests I bet they will remember Chapter 15 section 1-4, my hopes, they pass that section and I will feel like I did a good job during the week of March 24th through the 28th….

I awake Friday morning at 6:30 grab the phone and truly consider canceling the job-yes I have given myself one hour to get ready AND this is typically when I wake the 2 older beans (so there are 3 of us trying to get ready at the same time)…the shower is much needed,the coffee is something I sniff as I am running through the house trying to find a bra and panties,the news is no longer even turned on,my face being applied, is, well applied if you wanna call it that and my hair can longer be called hair…breakfast, I have decided is over-rated and consists of a banana at home and I will give you money for breakfast at school IF you think you REALLY must eat and do not even think about commenting on how I look! I am making a fashion statement…

I arrive at school with my “I ain’t takin your crap” face on-It’s Friday and I actually fit in today-Fridays are casual days jeans and a tee-I should be estactic but I can’t even enjoy the fact it’s Friday,because if they see me smile or happy those hellions might mistake me for kind and compassionate…

The day goes relatively smooth-I had teachers stop in and check on me because they heard of yesterdays rock incident, administration it seemed, was never out of ear shot! The day goes as smooth as it could…I find myself writing TGIF on the attendance sheets to the office, then it turns into TGIF with a smiley face then TGIF is it 2:40 yet??? The attendance girl calls me and asks if I am ok…I consider telling her that I opend the windows and set the hellions free but didn’t think she would think that was very funny. I keep reminding myself that $55 for 5.5 hrs(5 if you count the 30 min lunch) of work isn’t bad.

A teacher stops by before the end of the day and asks me if I could sub for her next Tues-Thurs…I look around the room then back at her-she says I have all of the same students gulp just not all in the same hour…so I commit to working 3 days for her.

My confession for today: I really need my head examined