Lets talk about Hemmoroids-PSA

WHY you ask? Because I think I got em and I am in pain and ummm I need someone to send me some tucks or something. Plus this can be a PSA for any other hemmoroids sufferers out there that may not know where to turn for help! soooo

Hi My names Georgie and I have a confession....

I did a lil google search cuz that's how I roll and this is what I found out:

First I learned I was spelling it wrong(Thanks google) it is hemorrhoids-soooo not making my bootielicious feel better now that I know the correct spelling- personaly I think they should be called "HORROR-OIDS"

The cause-The underlying cause of hemorrhoids is increased pressure within veins around the junk in YO trunk

There are two, count em TWO types-Internal and External-Great I prolly have BOTH types!

Symptoms-Okay way to graphic to post lets just say I am pretty sure I ONLY have External horror-oids-Like that makes it any freakin better!!!

Diagnosing-well the suggestion is that I visit my health care provider so they can ask me some general health questions that I obviously have NO problem letting the internet know that I may have horror-oids... but just can't bring myself to visit a Dr and discuss my bootielicious! THEN he(NOTE I said HE) will perform a *gasp* physical exam. Are you friggin kiddin me? Mr gp doesn't even get to examine that part of my anatomy now I gotta go let a stranger do it...geesh

Treatment-While hemorrhoids are a source of misery for a lot of people-NO SHIT SHERLOCK and for the record MISERY is NOT the word I would have chosen...they are not dangerous or life-threatening and will usually go away within a few days-OKAY phew then WHY do I need to go and bare my assa to a Dr that is a HE?

In most cases, hemorrhoid treatment is focused on: Relieving pressure by increasing fiber and fluids and modifying bowel movements-Okay I can do this...

OH wait...Eating the right amount of fiber and drinking six to eight glasses of fluid (NOT ALCOHOL) can result in softer, bulkier stools. I am speechless,no really I am and here I thought BL w/Lime was a GOOD food group! there goes my stock...

Good sources of fiber include:
Fruits
Vegetables, such as carrots and green vegetables
Whole grains
Bran.

In addition, doctors may suggest a bulk stool softener or a fiber supplement, such as psyllium (Metamucil®) or methylcellulose (Citrucel®).

GREAT I have become my Grandmother! I am thirty freakin seven, I am too young for horror-oids! Now when anyone comes to visit I won't care if the dogger had an accident on the floor but I will be damned if ANYONE will see Metamucil sittin on my kitchen table.

Modifying Bowel Habits as Part of Hemorrhoid Treatment
As part of hemorrhoid treatment, it is also important to set aside a certain time each day to have an unhurried bowel movement without vigorous wiping or rubbing. Patting, using a soft, moist pad (or even rinsing in the shower), can be used as an alternative to wiping.

HELLO....I have 3 beans everything in my life is hurried and let me just say that IF I could make my bowels move at a nice quiet,convenient time, then I would be a rich woman cuz I would patent that shit(pun intended) ALSO For the record, IF I could set aside aside a certain time each day it damn sure wouldn't be for takin a poo!

So there ya have it my peeps....my assa hurts and I chose to share it with the world

My confession for today:Guess I am off to check out Tucks & Metamucil stock...