Why I don't Coupon it up

I am a bargain hunter-always out to see how much I can get for the "all-mighty" dollar. It's like a game to me. I am a clearance rack junkie...Finding the best deal on a hotel-I'm there-just call me the *negotiator*,getting a discount on attractions-got it covered BUT when it comes to grocery shopping I just didn't inherit the "coupon gene"

This has rubbed off on oldest bean-we gave her a $100 Friday and she bought 5 shirts and a bra...ok ok 5 shirts and a bra you say? In her defense the 5 said shirts were from Holister and they were all on clearance $12.90-the $20 dolla bra was also on clearance from Victoria's Secret-since when do almost 15 yr olds buy their bras from VS? I mean the local wal-marts or targets have perfectly good bras for much much less. Believe me, my size C cups sit just fine in the cheaper bras...

Ok I am rambling-my point is I LOVE to save a buck or two-so when mr gp said "why don't you use some of those coupons I have been clipping from the Sunday paper?" "There are some really good ones like $3 off 2 bottles of that expensive shampoo you girls use" My ears perk up..."If you use this one you can get bacon for 98 cents" ohhh I LOVE me some BLT's "This one will save you $1.00 off two boxes of cereal" Cereal is always good for "yo-yo" nights(aka Your On Your Own nights)our beans LOVE cereal...Ok I am game

Don't get me wrong I have always admired those peeps that clip coupons and price match-I am just too much of an impulse shopper-I decide the "day of" what I wanna fix for dinner-I visit my local small-mart(aka wal-mart neighborhood market) just about everyday, sometimes twice a day because I always forget something that I need.

So I "gear" up, get my own envelope to hold said coupons and a pen. I write on the outside of the envelope what coupons I have and am off like the roadrunner *beep beep*

I should have known immediately that I would have problems when I was meticiously going up and down each aisle looking for the product on said coupons-I mean I am a zig-zagger grocery shopper-I typically get all my staples- hit the bud light with lime aisle first and then anything that makes it into the cart after that is secondary...

You should have seen me *think* Jamie Lee Curtis from Christmas with the Kranks-I run into a few people and nervously laugh while stating "oops sorry, guess I don't have my drivers license for this dang cart" I get the strangest looks-it's like they *know* this is my first rodeo with coupon'n it up!

So I get to the check out and the lines are LONG-I scope out the 20 item or less lane, start counting my items, 25, damn but decide that 25 is closer to 20 than 30 and go with the express lane(Okay I hate people like me too-go ahead chunk a can of green beans at my head-I wouldn't blame you)

I approach the checker with a smile and inform her I have coupons should I give them to her now? Ok the jigs up everyone now knows this IS my first rodeo! Forgive me I don't know proper coupon'n etiquette-I always use self check out...

I hand over my coupons $2 off farmland bacon making it 98cents SCORE now I am thinkin "maybe this isn't so bad" next the glorious shampoo $3 off coupon- "I am sorry ma'am this is expired" me "HUH? coupons expire?" store checker "would you still like the shampoo" me nervous giggle "well ummm no I guess not, the beans can just use dawn dish washing detergent this week" so she removes the shampoo-the two ladies behind me are looking very impatient and I mouth I-AM-SORRY-THIS-IS-HER-FIRST-RODEO and then I make the Coo-Coo sign with my finger around my ear and point ever so sneakily at the checker/cashier.

Then a few more coupons are slid by with a VICTORY my last coupon was for cereal and it was rejected-you wanna know why???? Because it was for 2 boxes of "Post" cereal and apparently the small marts likes to mess with crazy blondes on their first coupon outing, I mean who in their right mind stuffs lucky charms(made by general mills-which I now know) smack dab in the middle of the Fruity Pebbles made by Post? pffft "would you still like the cereal ma'am?" ummm no I guess the beans can have milk N crackers for yo-yo night...

I pay and say *beep beep* and I'm off like the road runner...I coulda swore I heard the ladies behind me mumble something about ME being crazy, pffft...

And that my fine peeps is why I don't use coupons

My confession for today:I will start doing coupons again when I find one for Bud Light w/Lime