5.02.2010

Daddy...I Remember...



As Most of you know my daddy passed away Saturday April 24th...If I told you that just because we knew this day was coming makes/made it any easier I would be lying...fact of the matter is, we thought we had more time...Isn't that always the case?

As I sit here trying to process the past 7 days...I realize...I can't...I was in a daze, my mind in disbelief-clouded in fog and my heart broken...there are images I am fighting hard to remove from my memory, I have guilt that I wasn't there sooner...did I do enough...did he know how very much he was loved...did he know how much I loved him...

I thought I understood loss,pain and hurt when my Grandpa passed away 8 years ago...I didn't...

I called my daddy at 9:10am to let him know I was on my way down, he didn't sound good but mornings were always rough for him...I detected an urgency in his voice that will haunt me for the rest of my life...I called my Uncle Tommy and asked him to go take daddy some breakfast and check on him and that I would be right behind him...



By 10:30am Daddy was in Heaven wrapped in the Lords Wings basking in his Glory...

This is where I say It isn't fair and I want him back...my heart aches,my eyes red and swollen...Loss leaves you feeling empty...so empty...





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A few weeks ago I asked daddy to make a message for his answering machine-he had the standard preset message playing. He bulked at first but when I said 'daddy maybe when you are in town and can't get to the phone maybe I wanna hear your voice' We made a GREAT message and I had no idea how many times I would be calling his house the past 7 days just to hear his voice...one more time...



Over the past 2 years I have shared my daddy with you all through this blog...so if you don't mind I would like to share a little bit more...

My parents divorced when I was around 8 years old but these are some of the memories I hold dear...

I remember him carrying me a mile and a half to our closest neighbors house 'The Blues' to wait for the school bus because we lived so far back in the woods that his truck wouldn't make it down the road when the weather was bad.

I remember one Christmas Eve hearing santas sleigh bells and a Hearty Ho Ho Ho and running down the stairs to see a tree full of presents

I remember him taking us to see Star Wars and The Color Purple in Muskogee

I remember riding on his horse Goldie where he packed us a lunch in his saddle bag and shared an afternoon together just me and him

I remember Rhinestone Cowboy playing on a little radio while he put horseshoes on his horse in the front yard

I remember eating dog food while he worked in the horse barn outside our modest house on the farm

I remember falling off the bunk bed and cracking open my eyebrow and he took care of me

I remember that we didn't have a phone but rather a CB and I would say 'breaker breaker 1-9...flintrock you out there?'

I remember he bought me a total of 4 cars...a mustang that was a lemon, broke down on the turnpike the day he bought it, then a pea green 3 speed duster that I shared with my sister, then a big 4 door white impala and last a red camaro

I remember how much he loved us and that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for us...

I remember that everyone knew my dad and if they didn't it wasn't long before they did

I don't remember my dad ever spanking me and I don't remember him ever raising his voice in anger I do remember the kindest soul anyone could ever hope to meet...

As I was older...I remember my Wedding Day where daddy walked me down the grass isle while family and friends sat on bales of hay...

I remember daddy being at the hospital for all 3 of my childrens births

I remember daddy never judged another human being a day in his life

I remember our trip to Schulenberg Texas last Summer...oh how I remember that I wouldn't let you change a flat tire-that I made you wait for AAA...it was because I loved you daddy...not because I didn't think you could do it...it was dark on a busy highway...I worry to much...

I remember a fair and honest man

I remember the Greatest Man in my life and he will not be forgotten...

Daddy I LOVE and MISS you dearly...



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George Wayne Shirley, 63, passed from this life, Saturday, April 24, 2010.
During his declining health he never complained and he held on to Gods
promises. George was born October 6, 1946 to W. J. and Elvira Annie (Kunz)
Shirley in Muskogee. He grew up on the family farm and was a graduate of
Okay High School, class of 1964.

He served his country in the signal core of the United States Army for 2
years, with a tour duty in Europe. Once home he dedicated 44 years of his
life to Container Corp where he had life long friends.

George was an avid horseman, from an early age and that passion carried
into adulthood where he spent many hours being a scout for the Okie-Arkie
trail-riders and cutting trails. He never felt more at peace than when he
was riding his loyal companion, his horse Kracker whether it was in the
mountains or the pasture.

George was a devoted father, son, brother, grandfather and he will be continually missed.

He was preceded in death by his father. He leaves behind to cherish his
memory, three loving daughters and their husbands, Georgina & Eric Johnson
of Broken Arrow, Rebecca & Chad Graham of Bentonville, AR, Laura & Will
Fairchild of Checotah; eight precious grandchildren, Abby & Reese Lawley,
Jessica Johnson, Hayden & Colin Graham, Casey, Trey & Shelby Fairchild;
his mother; brother & sister-in-law, Tommy & Marilyn Shirley; two nieces,
Michelle & Renee Shirley and a host of other family and friends


My confession for today: Time may heal all wounds BUT it is God who gives you peace and comfort while you are waiting to heal...and today I need to be carried...



68 comments:

  1. You are a very strong and loving woman. Your Dad knows that and loves you all the more for it!

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  2. What a precious tribute to your daddy. Sounds like you had a wonderful relationship and I'm sure he knew how very much he was--and still is--loved. My prayers are with you during this difficult time. The pain will dull, but will never go away. Lean on the Lord and your family and friends. We love you, Georgie.

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  3. Memories are treasures and you are rich.
    Time will ease the pain and after a while joy will reign when you think of your sweet Daddy and all the wonderful times you had together. He left you a legacy of love.
    Who could ask for more.

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  4. Those are wonderful memories. I hope you find a way to record his voice and save it for eternity. It comforts you now, and may be of interest to his grandchildren and great grandchildren one day.

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  5. That was a beautiful post! Tear filled eyes over here as I can't imagine your heartbreak today.

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  6. I love the post Georgie, and I know it was more for you than us. I will continue to lift you up in prayer, and know God is with you through it all. What wonderful memories for you and your kids. Love you.

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  7. What beautiful memories of your Dad, and I thank you for sharing them with us. Thinking of you and sending my love.

    xox

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  8. You have beautiful, enduring memories of your beloved father. Bless him and prayers to you Georgie. It was a lovely tribute to a man you dearly love.

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  9. I am so sorry for your loss. Your post was a wonderful tribute to your Daddy! He is proud and honored For Sure!

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  10. I remember being a new bloggy friend when I first heard about your wonderful dad. I smiled as I read your description of him. He truly didn't sound like someone who would whine or complain about his situation but to find every reason to laugh and smile.

    I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye here on earth. I hope that through the sadness, you will also find laughter and smiles of his special times with you.

    Beautiful tribute, Georgie.

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  11. Oh Georgie...my heart breaks for you....

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  13. dearheart,

    there aren't any words written by anyone else who can effectively communicate to you the sorrow those of us feel to know you're hurting. yet still we try.

    when i read the date of your father's passing, my inner 80s child remembered that there's a song out there from someone else who lost their father on April 24. Here's the link to that song (it will play once only for 1:30 minutes).

    http://popup.lala.com/popup/504684685074014500

    I know all your life you wondered
    About that step we all take alone
    How far does the spirit travel on the journey
    You must surely be near heaven
    And it thrills me to the bone
    To know Daddy knows the great unknown

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  14. It seems to me you have a lot of your Daddy in you. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope and pray that you'll feel some peace in the midst of the grief. It's so hard, I'm sorry.

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  15. I'm sorry for your loss.
    What a beautiful tribute you have written. He sounds like an amazing man.
    ♥♥♥

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  16. Praying that you feel the prayers carrying you today. I am so sorry for your loss, and this is a beautiful tribute to your Daddy.

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  17. Georgie I am sorry. I'm sitting in my daughter's room crying over this tribute. So sweet, glad you have the memories to keep in your heart

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  18. Oh honey. I'm so so so sorry. I don't even know what to say...just know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you. {{{{Bear Hugs}}}

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  19. Georgie, I pray for you and your family during this time. May God wrap his arms around you and give you peace right now. HUGS!!!!

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  20. I'm so sorry for your loss. That was a beautiful tribute.

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  21. Grorgie, may you find peace in knowing there are others that understand and care. I have been down this road far too many times, and it is never easy. The only thing that will ease the pain is time. It will take awhile, but it will help. Trust me, I know.

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  22. Sniff. Sniff.

    I'm sorry your dad is gone. I'm glad he is no longer suffering.

    Peace and blessings to your family.

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  23. Oh Georgie, I am so sorry for your loss. As you know I have been there. We in the bloggy world will be there for you as you grieve thorough this loss. Time truly does dull the pain, trust me. I love your tribute to your Daddy, made me tear up. Remember your friends and family are there for you to lean on. Take care...Carla

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  24. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry for your loss

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  25. A great testament to your Dad Georgie. I bet he was proud of you.

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  26. I am crying right now reading this beautiful tribute. I am truly so very sorry for the loss of your wonderful father. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  27. Georgie--
    I'm sooooo sorry to hear of your loss. I had no idea. I've been checking daily but....
    I wish for you peace and the knowledge that your Daddy knew you loved him and you did all that you could do.
    They same time heals and it does but it doesn't make it any easier.
    Love you and you know where I am if you need ANYTHING!


    Melinda

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  28. Georgie,

    This is a beautiful post and a wonderful tribute. I know you are still dealing with the "freshness" of this loss and I would never tell you, time will make it easier or better. The wounds are always there, just under the surface.

    What I will say is, you had a special man for a father and it is a blessing your children and those of your sisters' are old enough to always remember their Papaw.

    You are in my prayers, sweetie!
    ((((Georgie))))

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  29. Wonderful tribute, wonderful memories of a wonderful man.

    Love you!

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  30. Oh Georgie! My heart just breaks for you that you lost your Daddy. He sounds like such a wonderful, lovely man. I wish I had the perfect words to ease your pain, but all I can do is pray that you find peace in the arms of our Heavenly Father until you meet your Daddy in Heaven one day. Love you to you and your family.

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  31. A beautiful post...
    I just wrote a post about my DAD.....Thanks for sharing your memories...

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  32. Georgie, this is so beautiful. You are so beautiful. Your dad did a fine job raising a strong and compassionate woman.

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  33. This is the first time I have stopped by your blog and despite only reading one of your posts about your Daddy I can only begin to imagine what a wonderful man he was. Your tribute was wonderful for a wonderful man.

    I hope you have lots of people around you to help you through this tough time.

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  34. First time visitng your site, I agree your dad sounds like wonderful kind person and I'm sorry for your loss. Your words of him are beautiful.

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  35. Very sweet/emotional post!
    Love you girlie! You are in my prayers!

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  36. Georgie, these are wonderful memories of your Dad. Thanks so much for blessing us by sharing them. Sending big interwebz hugs to you and praying for you and your family.

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  37. Georgie that was beautiful! It made me cry and I am NOT a crier! Bless all of your family. And I'm sure your daddy is looking over all of you. You're still in my prayers.

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  38. Georgie,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I just popped over to tell you thank you for your comment on my blog and for voting for me. I so appreciate it.
    Your Daddy sounded like a true GEM. This post was absolutely beautiful. What sweet sweet memories you have. i am so glad you also have his answering machine to call.
    Praying for your family.
    Mimi

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  39. Georgie, I didn't know! I'm so sorry!!!! I had no idea your Daddy had passed away....and I feel so awful not being here for you, to extend my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

    This is such a beautiful post and what an amazing tribute to your father. I am sending a big hug to you and praying that you keep putting one foot in front of the other as you walk through this difficult time.....

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  40. What a touching post. I may not know you, but I will tell you that I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my daddy when I was 20 and I still have guilt, wondering if I had done enough. It was sudden and not expected. One day if you want to hear the story I will be willing to share.
    For now, know that your daddy is with his Heavenly Father enjoying eternal life. He is looking down upon you, your family and your sisters knowing he did an amazing job and being so proud of all that you have done. Know that you were an amazing daughter and did everything you could. Know that he loved you with all his heart.
    And you are right, time may not heal all the hurt BUT God will love you through all of this with the strength and belief you have in Him.

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  41. Oh Georgie, my heart just breaks for you and your loss. I sit here in tears, weeping for a man I never knew, for a friend I've never met, praying peace and comfort for you and your family. You have been blessed beyond measure to have had such a man as your daddy was. And he was blessed to have you as his little girl. Sending you hugs and prayers. XOXOXO

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  42. My heart goes out to you, I couldn't imagine nor do I wish to any time soon to feel that loss. Oh, I'm so sorry!

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  43. I lost it when he carried you to the bus stop! How lucky you knew a man such as him. Somepeople never know what its like to have that kind of love or be loved the way he loved you and your family. Love you.

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  44. Oh Sweetheart!
    I am so sorry for your pain but so glad that you have beautiful memories and the assurance that he is in Heaven and you WILL see him again some day!

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  45. {{{{{{{Georgie}}}}}}}} I don't even know what to say. Nothing I could say would make you feel any better. But what a beautiful post this was. What a wonderful tribute to the man who did so much to shape you into the woman you are today. He for sure knew how loved he was, so take that part off your mind. And even if he didn't, he's looking down on you now, smiling and proud.

    Love you girl.
    P.S. Remind me to ask you why you ate dog food at some other time, K?

    Justine

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  46. That was beautiful

    Im so sorry

    Hugs

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  47. Oh Georgie, I'm so sorry for your loss! Hang in there. Be the strong woman your Daddy raised you to be, but remember it's ok to cry. Don't feel like you have to hold it in. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now!

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  48. That was a beautiful dedication to your lovely daddy. He would be proud of your ability to put it into words.
    I'm so sorry for your loss. It will be a hard road, but you will make it through the dark times, shouldered by the love you have for him and he had for you. That love will never leave. Take care!!!

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  49. You have my condolences and sympathies. I never know what to say. Then I looked below and started to laugh at "Dog...Stop looking at me like that!" I'm sorry for your loss.

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  50. I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad 4 years come November and I keep waiting for him to just come back from a trip. It hasn't sunk it, don't think it will. I hope you keep all those memories close, his love, he will always be on your shoulder.

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  51. I am so sorry for your loss. Your tribute to him was wonderful.

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  52. It's the dirty side of the coin of adoring someone so much, but just think of the beauty you would have missed out on if this incredible man wasn't your father.

    Your words are so moving. Your love reaches Heaven, that I am sure.

    P.S. I ate dog food too.

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  53. Oh, Georgie. Until you visited my posts this morning, I had realized that I was neglecting my weekly visit to your site. And I come over to find this. I am so sorry for your loss. My parents are divorced as well, and my brother and I chose to live with Dad. I have a very similar closeness to mine as I can tell you have with yours. I can't fathom losing my dad and my heart aches so badly for you right now. I hope you find peace and cherish the memories. Such beautiful pictures you have!

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  54. Sorry for your loss :( -Your dad sounds like a great man!

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  55. (((((HUGS)))))) My thoughts are with you, and you have certainly made me want to give my Dad a call today just to say I LOVE YOU!!!!!

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  56. So sweet and I am so sorry for your loss! What a beautiful tribute to your Daddy!

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  57. I am sorry for your loss. Dads are special and always missed.

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  58. Some of the best writting I've ever read by you Georgie.....

    The day my father passed, when I called home, the first thing I asked was, "He knew I loved him right!?!"

    ......it seemed so strange to think that back then, but even though I KNEW that he knew I loved him......loved him more than life its self, I just had to hear someone say, "Of course he knew."

    Nothing or no one can take away all the good times and thoughts you shared with and of your father Georgie. NO ONE OR NOTHING!

    There's not a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of my father or speak of him in some form or fashion. Just like your father, my father was larger than life. He was my everything, just like your father was to you. And he will always be your everything, just like my daddy is to me.

    Always remember.

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  59. I remember the pain of losing Mark's dad (suddenly and unexpectedly). My heart was broken, and I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under our family; with a patriarch as big as life gone (along with his mother 6 weeks prior), I felt like we had lost our whole identity and would never be the same again. We aren't. However, we are happy again, and I think that when I become a grandparent, I will Bob's presence again, because he was an amazing grandpa, a lot like your dad. My heart goes out to you, Sweetie...

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  60. I was 39 when my mom died and I hate to admit that I called her phone many times.....No...She didn't have an answering machine!!! I just wanted to hear the rings that used to connect us.....is that pathetic or what....

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  61. My tears are falling... I too lost my dad to cancer when he was 64. He fought a good fight and it gave us time to say everything we needed to say to each other. But it still wasn't enough time. During the time he was sick I couldn't even imagine him not being with me anymore. And when the time came, it was a bit surreal. It's been ten years... although, it doesn't seem that long ago.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you as you are dealing with the loss of your loving father. Looking back through your posts and reading this one, he certainly seemed like a remarkable man.

    Cherish those memories.

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  62. This a very touching post. I'm so sorry about your dad. May your wonderful memories help you through this rough time. God bless you.

    Oh--after my grandma died unexpectedly, I called her answering machine nearly every day. I wanted to hear her voice one more time. It actually brought peace when I was hurting and missing her most. Keep calling your daddy.

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  63. Your memories of your Dad give me chills....
    My daddy was THE man in my life....sweet, kind, gentle, caring, never an unkind word.....I miss him so much. He's been gone for 9 years and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I wish I could hear his voice, even if it was on a answer machine...don't let anything happen to that machine!!!

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  64. I know this doesn't need to be said because of your faith but can't be heard enough because of our humanity -- your father is with his Father. Yet he has never left you. That is the beauty of life. You will see hm again but until that time, know that he is right there with you, forever in your heart and in the presence of God. You are in my prayers.
    God bless.

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  65. Georgie, You are in my prayers. I feel like a really bad friend, but know that I have thought of you often. The road you're walking is a difficult one, but you'll find strength you never knew you had..and you'll love those who are still here on earth like you never knew you could. You'll miss your daddy. Every day, but you'll be so thankful for the memories. Big hugs to you!

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