Daddy...I Remember...

As Most of you know my daddy passed away Saturday April 24th...If I told you that just because we knew this day was coming makes/made it any easier I would be lying...fact of the matter is, we thought we had more time...Isn't that always the case?

As I sit here trying to process the past 7 days...I realize...I can't...I was in a daze, my mind in disbelief-clouded in fog and my heart broken...there are images I am fighting hard to remove from my memory, I have guilt that I wasn't there sooner...did I do enough...did he know how very much he was loved...did he know how much I loved him...

I thought I understood loss,pain and hurt when my Grandpa passed away 8 years ago...I didn't...

I called my daddy at 9:10am to let him know I was on my way down, he didn't sound good but mornings were always rough for him...I detected an urgency in his voice that will haunt me for the rest of my life...I called my Uncle Tommy and asked him to go take daddy some breakfast and check on him and that I would be right behind him...

By 10:30am Daddy was in Heaven wrapped in the Lords Wings basking in his Glory...

This is where I say It isn't fair and I want him back...my heart aches,my eyes red and swollen...Loss leaves you feeling empty...so empty...

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A few weeks ago I asked daddy to make a message for his answering machine-he had the standard preset message playing. He bulked at first but when I said 'daddy maybe when you are in town and can't get to the phone maybe I wanna hear your voice' We made a GREAT message and I had no idea how many times I would be calling his house the past 7 days just to hear his voice...one more time...

Over the past 2 years I have shared my daddy with you all through this blog...so if you don't mind I would like to share a little bit more...

My parents divorced when I was around 8 years old but these are some of the memories I hold dear...

I remember him carrying me a mile and a half to our closest neighbors house 'The Blues' to wait for the school bus because we lived so far back in the woods that his truck wouldn't make it down the road when the weather was bad.

I remember one Christmas Eve hearing santas sleigh bells and a Hearty Ho Ho Ho and running down the stairs to see a tree full of presents

I remember him taking us to see Star Wars and The Color Purple in Muskogee

I remember riding on his horse Goldie where he packed us a lunch in his saddle bag and shared an afternoon together just me and him

I remember Rhinestone Cowboy playing on a little radio while he put horseshoes on his horse in the front yard

I remember eating dog food while he worked in the horse barn outside our modest house on the farm

I remember falling off the bunk bed and cracking open my eyebrow and he took care of me

I remember that we didn't have a phone but rather a CB and I would say 'breaker breaker 1-9...flintrock you out there?'

I remember he bought me a total of 4 cars...a mustang that was a lemon, broke down on the turnpike the day he bought it, then a pea green 3 speed duster that I shared with my sister, then a big 4 door white impala and last a red camaro

I remember how much he loved us and that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for us...

I remember that everyone knew my dad and if they didn't it wasn't long before they did

I don't remember my dad ever spanking me and I don't remember him ever raising his voice in anger I do remember the kindest soul anyone could ever hope to meet...

As I was older...I remember my Wedding Day where daddy walked me down the grass isle while family and friends sat on bales of hay...

I remember daddy being at the hospital for all 3 of my childrens births

I remember daddy never judged another human being a day in his life

I remember our trip to Schulenberg Texas last Summer...oh how I remember that I wouldn't let you change a flat tire-that I made you wait for AAA...it was because I loved you daddy...not because I didn't think you could do it...it was dark on a busy highway...I worry to much...

I remember a fair and honest man

I remember the Greatest Man in my life and he will not be forgotten...

Daddy I LOVE and MISS you dearly...

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♥George Wayne Shirley, 63, passed from this life, Saturday, April 24, 2010.
During his declining health he never complained and he held on to Gods
promises. George was born October 6, 1946 to W. J. and Elvira Annie (Kunz)
Shirley in Muskogee. He grew up on the family farm and was a graduate of
Okay High School, class of 1964.

He served his country in the signal core of the United States Army for 2
years, with a tour duty in Europe. Once home he dedicated 44 years of his
life to Container Corp where he had life long friends.

George was an avid horseman, from an early age and that passion carried
into adulthood where he spent many hours being a scout for the Okie-Arkie
trail-riders and cutting trails. He never felt more at peace than when he
was riding his loyal companion, his horse Kracker whether it was in the
mountains or the pasture.

George was a devoted father, son, brother, grandfather and he will be continually missed.

He was preceded in death by his father. He leaves behind to cherish his
memory, three loving daughters and their husbands, Georgina & Eric Johnson
of Broken Arrow, Rebecca & Chad Graham of Bentonville, AR, Laura & Will
Fairchild of Checotah; eight precious grandchildren, Abby & Reese Lawley,
Jessica Johnson, Hayden & Colin Graham, Casey, Trey & Shelby Fairchild;
his mother; brother & sister-in-law, Tommy & Marilyn Shirley; two nieces,
Michelle & Renee Shirley and a host of other family and friends♥

My confession for today: Time may heal all wounds BUT it is God who gives you peace and comfort while you are waiting to heal...and today I need to be carried...