Last months confessional was a wonderful outlet for us to express what we may not be able to say in the real world...it started because I found myself with not a whole lot to say one day and the fact I always end my posts with a confession so I turned my blog over to you...the reader
It's that time again-to open 'the booth' you can post as ANON or you may use your real name/blogger name....you do not need a blog to post a confession...and EVERYONE is welcome
I am not here to judge OR try and figure out who you are, so feel free to say whats on your mind or in your heart....
Jen was kind enough to make a button for the confession days-feel free to snag it-(it's in my right sidebar) I know it may kinda defeat the purpose of staying 'in-cog-nito' but you never know who may have the need for a confession...something they just can't say on their own blog or in the real world for whatever reasons...
The confessional booth will be open all weekend and there is no limit-there were some heart wrenching confessions last month and I just wanted to stretch my arms out wide and hug so many of the confessors -please know you are not alone in whatever you may be going through
I will kick off the confessions right here....
I was sexually abused as a bean, I can choose to let that over take me OR I can over take what happened to me...meaning I choose NOT to be a victim but rather a survivor I.do.not.give.it.power.over.me!
My confession for today: see above
I cannot remember the last time I had sex with my husband - it has been a couple of months. I am okay with that because I am not really attracted to him. I think I made a mistake marrying him but I am in it now. I want another child but don't think that will be fair. In my head I make plans to cheat on him and have reached out to old boyfriends. I think I need to stop that. I wish I married my first fiance even if we were miserable at least I would be rich.
ReplyDeleteI confess that I had an affair at the end of an abusive marriage that should have ended years before but he kept begging me everytime I left and I would stay for my children. It always seems wrong to have an affair but I can say that it was unexpected, explosive and it gave me the strength to get away from the abuse. It also gave me my first orgasism! I do not regret it for myself and God and I are fine, but I still wouldn't talk about it casually or make light of affairs. I do believe most people who have affairs are starving for love. And I don't mean the people that are addicts or screwed up in the head.
ReplyDeleteI am miserable in my marriage.
ReplyDeleteThere are times I think that I just hate him.
He is the most selfish, self centered person that I have ever met.
I serve him as a servant, and that only his needs are met, never mine. He proves to me over and over that I am not worthy. I have been married for a year and half. I am 44, it was my first wedding anniversary last year- ever. And I planned for it, only to be told that we are working because his boss is important. My heart is breaking. Same thing just happened last month with my birthday.
CAN ANYBODY HEAR MEEEE - I AM WORTHYYYYY .... PLEASE ..... I AM.....or maybe not.
Thank you for providing this ...
I'm not sure if I love my fiance'.
ReplyDeleteI think about my ex husband and what we had and I long for that still.
I don't take care of me the way I should
ReplyDeleteMy mom drives me crazy! CRAZY I tell you. There are times I actually try to avoid spending time with her. (But I do love her.)
ReplyDeleteI have a raging headache cause I drank too much last night.
ReplyDeleteOk that really wasn't so much a confession as it was a complaint. But whatever.
Ooooo Anon @ 7:53 -
ReplyDeleteI will trade with you. I could have written that one.
I am 100 pounds overwieght. I knowingly make bad food choices and will sneak food at McDonalds on the way home and then say I haven't eaten all day, prepare dinner and eat seconds. I too don't have sex with my husband, but more because I am ashamed to have him touch this body.
ReplyDeleteWe've gotten ourselves in a huge financial hole from being generous in helping other people out. For the first time in our entire life our electricity got shut off two days ago (paid 10 minutes later & turned on again the next day) but I'm so ashamed.
ReplyDeleteA person that lived with us for 8 months (while not contributing AT ALL) loaned me money a few months ago, I'm not paying the bitch back, in my head I keep trying to justify it as her owing it back to me, but my moral core is eating away at me.
@anon at 12:10am...You are living my life. Or, my life when I was married, I should say. If you really need to talk, email me.
ReplyDeleteI hate Christmas. Because my husband did not want to have children with me - I see others enjoying the holidays through their childs eyes - it just makes me hate the holiday even more....& hate my husband.
ReplyDeleteI don't like sex. I could go forever without it. Although I love my husband I just never want to have sex. I think it might be my medicine but I only have sex to please my husband.
ReplyDeleteI think my brother in law is a terrible person. He's engaged right now but secretly texting another woman who he has slept with in the past. He cheated on his wife when they were married. My husband looks up to him but doesn't know what he really is like. I HATE to be around him and feel uncomfortable. I hope his fiance figures shit out. Soon.
ReplyDeleteI occasionally check my husband's ex-wife's myspace page, even though in the past I made fun of HER for stalking me through my website.
ReplyDeleteHer myspace page is private/friends only so I can't see anything other than her status message and a recent profile photo, yet I still check in from time to time. Pathetic huh?
I hate that I do it because to me it means in some small way she still has an effect on my actions in my life.
Even though I am a total hypocrite for it, and I feel really stupid doing it, I think I'll always check in on her from time to time.
I am lonely, and I miss my life before I stayed home to be with my daughter. I hate that my husband doesn't think it is a job to care for her. I hate that he wants to know why the house is never clean and why she stresses me out so much!
ReplyDeleteI totally suck when it comes to housework, I am so bad it is embarrasing. I am so ashamed of this because I have not always been like this. There was a time when you could almost eat off my floors. Now-you are lucky if you can even see the floor sometimes. I don't know what has come over me- it seems like nothing matters to me anymore.
ReplyDeleteI'm very angry with my parents, and I just can't shake it. As a very young child, I excelled in school, getting straight A's. When I got into middle school, and high school, my parents were so busy hating each other, they did not "parent" me at all. I had no curfew, partied all the time, skipped school, smoked everything...you name it. As far as college goes, they had absolutely NO plan or encouragement for my future. I tried to speak to my high school counselor about it, and they told me just to take the "easy" classes, and get high school over with.
ReplyDeleteMy parents separated (for the last time) the day I graduated high school, and I moved 45 miles away the same day. I've worked full-time since the day AFTER high school, often times at crappy jobs. I'm now in my 30's and I can't find a job (even a Craptastic one), and it looks bleaker everyday.
I can't help but blame my parents for some of this. I don't even speak to my father (maybe once a year). Not because I'm mad at him, but because he's really just not interested. I feel guilty for placing some of the blame on them for my situation, but can't help it!
SEX? What is that? I could care less about that anymore. I don't even think I love my husband anymore...or like him for that matter. That is an ongoing problem in my marriage. He acts like a child, he is selfish, manipulative, and always tries to trade being nice to me for sex....he is such a idiot. It does not work. I hate him. I just wish sometimes he would walk away and not EVER look back. Then I might have some peace.
ReplyDeleteWorse~ Why oh Why do I not have the courage to just leave? I really don't know if I could make it on my own. So I sit here, miserable and hopeless.
@ anonymous at 11:22, I feel your pain. I too blame my parents for the situation I feel I am in today. My mom did NOTHING to encourage me. NOTHING. Never talked about college with me, how I was going to go, pay for it, etc....so I did not finish. I have blamed my mom for years for my miserable jobs I have had to settle for.
And guess what? SHE went to college, SHE graduated, SHE has had a good job, SHE just did not care about my future. You are not alone. I know it's not all her fault, but I do blame her for it.
Seriously, as parents, it is your job to help your kids, encourage, and hope they have something better.
My youngest graduates college next year, I don't regret any sacrifices I have made to keep them in school. I always told them college was not an option. You have to go. I so hope I have become a much better parent than my own mother and father.
I confess that when my husband calls me during the day, I do not answer the phone most times. Why? I am on the computer, enjoying the only friends I have....in blogland and I don't want him to know I am not cleaning or doing some other wifely duty.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous at 12:12 from Anon at 11:22
ReplyDeleteI married way too young, and I hated my husband. I almost left him at the alter, then after the wedding, I waited it out until it was a suitable amount of time (whatever that is) to leave him. He was nothing that he led me to believe that he was while we dated. I hated having sex with him (it made me sick). I packed up all of my clothes and hid them for about 1 month. He never even noticed that I had been wearing the same 3 outfits during that time. Finally one day (after we drove 2 hours back home from visiting his parents for HIS birthday), I told him to turn around and take me home, I was leaving him. I told him not to bother getting ahold of me. I had no job, no money, no car...nothing. I never felt so "freed" in my life though. I'll never regret leaving him.
My mother also has a college degree, and has always had good jobs. Granted she gets fired from all of them, but always lands back at another good one. I don't ever remember telling my parents that I love them, and I never remember them saying it to me. They just were not at all supportive parents. I wonder often why they had children at all!
I haven't had children (mainly because I don't want to be a crappy parent like they were), and it's getting on the "too late" side now. I'm glad that you rose above what your parents didn't do for you, and provide your youngest with support! Kudo's to you!!!
i too, was abused as a child first by my biological parents (physically, sexually {just my father}and emotionally), then by my adoptive parents(physically and emotionally) until i left home at 17, a year later i married my husband. i am now 33, been married 15 years!! life isn't about what happens to us, it's about what we do with it!!! take care, i'm praying for all of you!!!
ReplyDeleteMy confession is that I feel better about my life after I read these. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself and think that I hate my life, but wow... I don't know how I would handle some of these situations. I feel horrible for so many of you and would definitely help if I could.
ReplyDeleteI feel that I wrote some of the above comments. I was sexually abused from age 6 to around 12. Told my mom, but she said to keep quiet because if she told my dad, he'd kill the man and probably end up in prison. All these years, and it finally occurred to me that it wasn't the ABUSE that bothered me, it was mom throwing me under the bus!!
ReplyDeleteI married young, to get away from her and stayed in a miserable marriage for 30 years. We had NO sex or physical contact for 12 of those years, due to his preoccupation with porn.
At the late age of 49, I jumped the fence. FREE at last. FREE at last.
I remarried 8 years ago, but only to a gentle, kind man who I knew very well, and for a long, long time. No more stupid moves on my part!!! life CAN be good, even for us late bloomers.
Write me. I've been there, done that.
YOUR TRAFFIC WILL PICK UP EVEN MORE. I PUT A LINK TO THIS SITE ON MY BLOG.
ReplyDeleteI regretted marrying my husband (ex) so badly that I offered my best friend money to sleep with him. I knew he would do it, and I told her that I would never EVER be angry with her. I needed a better reason to leave him, than just not being able to stand the sight of him. She of course wouldn't do it, and I of course couldn't blame her. It all worked out, I eventually left him.
ReplyDeletei was abused for years by my older male cousin. i never told anyone, but my brother knew and didn't help me. i resented him for that and i resented my parents, because even as a child, i knew they wouldn't be able to handle the info. i finally told them about it when i was a grown woman with my own kids, and what did my mom do?? not ONE "oh, i am so sorry" she just immediately made it about herself, which is what she always does about everything. my parents have never had the tools to comfort me or relate to me, and that makes me sad because i feel so detached. as they get older, i feel like i should put a lot of that aside, but i find it difficult.
ReplyDeleteoh, i must also confess that i never capitalize when corresponding via email and i have a bad run-on sentence problem.
thanks for doing this, miss georgie
I don't plan to be faithful in my marriage but I also don't plan to tell him. I need more than one person to keep me happy sexually. I know it's wrong and bad and disgraceful, but I can only do so much for my kids sake. I have to do something for me. He doesn't turn me on. He's an excellent father, an excellent provider, puts up with my crap -- but it's not enough.
ReplyDeleteI was raped at the age of 15 by my teachers son. I never told anyone the truth because I didn't want to create drama. I slept around as a teen cause I thought if I didn't "put out" that it would happen again.
ReplyDeleteJeez Ladies. Wow. Uh, I am lost for something to say here. First of all, I definitely am not feeling like one of the gang. Like when you burst into some group meeting you don't feel is any of your business.
ReplyDeleteI really have nothing to confess. Some erratic and troubling behaviour I might, no ought maybe admit to.
But in line with what some have said - my marriage is in trouble. 29 years may sooner than later be another foot note on the trip I am taking from cradle to grave. In light of what has been said previously here I wonder what my wife would confess to. I am sure she has some feelings that have been shared in this run of confessions. That makes me sad. But I would deserve her anger. I have been no picnic. I can sit here and say it takes two to tango, but the only part of this I could have made different I think is what I brought to it.
Chasm
Great defining voids loom
Amity turns dark, engulfing
Friendship developing cracks
Another tie unbinds, unwinds, disintegrates
Destructive years shared lanquish
Silence screams in our presence
Detached and tuned out
United in our pretension
Fronting a cheery facade
Words may not mend it
Intentions will not patch it
The time of deeds left undone
Now upon us as we ignore
Indifferent to what is no longer there
Circling in the distant kind thoughts
Fond remembrances fade with the sunset
Of the day we had together
We will try to sleep it off
Troubled souls rest fitfully
And dreams do not last
I am engaged to the father of my son, but I don't think I love him. I am still in love with someone I dated and have known for the past 10 years. We want to be together, but have always had the cards stacked against us. I am only staying with my fiance right now because I am in school fulltime and wouldn't be able to support my little boy without him in the picture. I hate having sex with him and use every excuse in the book to get out of it...
ReplyDeleteI HATE THE SITUATION I AM IN!!!
I want to run away from it all. I'm not happy..I haven't been since I started our family. I want to go back in time. Back to the good days when I had no responsiblities.
ReplyDeletesometimes I wish I were single again and had no responsibilities
ReplyDeletewe don't know how we are going to provide Christmas for our family this year-this scares me because we have never been in this bad of a financial state in our lives
ReplyDeleteI am a very lazy person-there are days I don't shower and just sit in my dark house and cry,I am very overweight and hate going out in public-I am very ashamed of what I have become
ReplyDeletein 2001 my oldest son went to prison. He robbed a bank. Did not come to us for help, robbed a bank instead. He was young, and ruined his life. He is beginning to see the intense damage to the life he wants his actions have caused.
ReplyDeleteNo one knows except 2 people besides family, there are many family members that do not even know.
I still blame myself. Surely this is somehow my fault. I live with this guilt everyday.
No one would believe this happened. We are the typical middle class family, pure American family and to have this black mark on that image has been so hard to bear. It is unthinkable.
Somedays, the weight of this ordeal is too much to carry, for the first two years he was locked up, I nearly had a breakdown. I did not go to work, leave my home, or have any social contacts. It was crippling grief that over took me.
Today, things are a little better, I try and pretend it did not happen. But the guilt is still there.
Thanks for letting me say this. I feel a little lighter after typing this out. Don't judge please. Trust me, I have learned that you just never know what can happen. Sometimes the unthinkable will happen and you don't believe it when it does.
Wow, people are coming out of the woodwork on Confession Day! I have a confession posted on here, but which one I'll never say!! :-)
ReplyDeleteeverything I do is never good enough,everyone questions what I say and I am never right just always wrong...
ReplyDeletemy husband cheated on me and I hate him for it,he called it NOT cheating in physical form but emotional cheating if I could leave him I would but I have 3 young children and have not worked in over 15 years I feel so trapped
ReplyDelete(((Hugs))))
ReplyDeleteI was sexually abused all through childhood.
I was sexually abused at 6 years old by my grandfather and still can't forgive him. He has never even ask me too. I have tried for the last 10 years but can't do it yet. It still effects me and I still get depressed about it. I am extreamly protective of my kids and won't let anyone watch them except my Mom or one of my SILs for fear of them being hurt like I was.
ReplyDeleteApril, you are brave for posting that. I posted a similar one to the first confessional. I KNOW what you feel. TRUST ME.
ReplyDeleteI don't have the courage to show my face! It still is a burden to carry.
I am pretty sure I am clinically depressed but am to embaressed to go to the dr or tell anyone about it.
ReplyDeletemy best friend drives me insane she only talks about her and her kids and her crappy husband-she doesnt stop and think maybe I need to vent too,so I dont answer her calls
ReplyDeleteWow. I am very impressed with the honesty expressed here, and I wish I could reach out and hug each of you and offer support. I hope that by bringing your concerns into focus like this, it helps you make decisions or process your thoughts. Please know that there are people out there reading this who do care about you, even though we haven't met.
ReplyDeleteWhat an awesome blog. Glad I found it.
Man. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry there are so many of you in so much pain. I wish I could do or say something to help.
ReplyDeleteToyed with the idea of being anonymous but screw it...
ReplyDeleteMy husband fell in love with me when we first met and became friends 5 years ago. He was married at the time. He never told me.
I fell in love with my husband two years ago. We were both married at the time (my divorce from my ex husband wasn't final). His marriage was on the rocks and his ex wife had already brought up the idea of leaving him.
One day about a year and a half ago we both finally realized that we were in love with each other. We talked ALL night. The very next morning my husband left my house, went back to his (then) wife, and told her that it was over. It took her less than SIX hours to pack her car. I gave her $700 to get back home, my husband filled up her gas tank and she was GONE.
We got married last May. While things are definitely not perfect, we're happy and we love each other. My daughter finally has a father who loves her and provides for her.
Here's the worst part about it: I think my husband's ex deserved it. She treated my husband horribly while they were married. I also feel like I'm justified in my judging- my husband and I have been friends for 5 years, and I've seen his previous marriage in action.
Well, sadly it looks as though there was quite a need for this type post. I have alot of junk in my life, never knew my real dad, drug addict parents, drug adict siblings, 2 gay siblings, former addict myself. grew up in abuse, mom was totally weak and never sought a better life for us, I ran away at 17 and married. dead beat ex, and he's a dead beat dad to our 3 girls( so I see the cycle TRYING to repeat...) BUTTTTTT, I have such great news, for me and for allllll of you. The good news is that none of this is a surprise to our Creator. He knows the pain we are in, HE knows where we came from, and where we are going. 6 years ago I was once again at the end of my rope and I cried out "Please, if your out there, I need to be Held. I need you to make yourself known to me... I was so lonely, and just out of hope.The very next day a small local church came knocking to invite my girls to VBS. We went to that church for 4 years, I was set free from unspeakable bondage from all of that junk that satan had set me up for(before I was even born) and I saw our lives changed. In the past 3 years I have seen my mother healed from her 30 year drug addiction, get out of a 32 year abussive marriage, I have seen Him heal my little brother from a deadly drug addiction and a deep connection in dealing major drugs( saw the Lord literally pick him up and give him a brand new life) I have seen him heal my middle brothers 18 year old marriage of physical abuse and drug abuse, and He has returned my dad to me, I hadnt seen in 26 years, who has also been healed in Jesus name, and is working with me to heal all the junk he caused in my life. YES I SAID, ALL IN 3 YEARS...GOD is sTill working in my life and He wants to in yours too, all you have to do is simply ask. He is right there with you right now, and He wants so much more for you... If you want to talk to me, Im certain theres nothing that your dealing with that I havnt,Being majorly overweight, adultry, abuse, drug addiction, sexual abuse, name it.. please email me at we_allens@yahoo.com, I would love to get to know you, and so would He. LA
ReplyDeleteI hate my husband- I can't think of one redeeming quality that he has. I get excited at the thought of divorcing him. However I feel completely trapped since I stay at home and don't have a job to support my kids.
ReplyDeleteI think I have a drug problem
ReplyDeleteI get jelous of women that speak of their "ex" husbands- I am trapped in a marriage and I don't see me getting out for a few years.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is in law enforcement and was involved in a shooting of a murder suspect. My husband shot him and is now 'on leave' while it is "investigated". The benefit of the doubt does NOT go to the policeman!
ReplyDeleteThe man was not the murderer, but had a long record. He put his hand into his coat in a dark alley when my husband warned him to keep his hands up. He feared for his life and shot his pistol for the first time in 20 years on the force.
Now, we as a family, are dealing with the unknown of our only income for a family of 6, his future of his career and civil cases against us.
Our bills were mounting when we had a steady paycheck and now I'm scared and don't know what we are going to do.
I feel trite posting this after reading through the above comments. My heart aches for all of you. I hope you all can find peace some how.
ReplyDeleteMy confession: I have a butterfly-in-my-stomach, middle school level, massive crush on one of my kid's coaches. I get so excited when I see him that I just want to make time stop and give him a long, deep, wet kiss. And more.
I still adore my husband, but how do I miss that feeling!?!?!
It really isn't a big surprise to my family and friends, but I totally and completely despise my husband's ex-wife. As long as he was still having to pay child support, she manipulated him in every way possible--she has always used their daughters in her manipulations. She is very manipulative with them, as well. Whenever they call her on it, she gives them the silent treatment and talks about how ungrateful they are.
ReplyDeleteHer current husband (whom she had an affair with while married) is battling cancer, and it doesn't look good. Instead of focusing on him and their daughter, she delights in reading my blog and then making snide, bitchy remarks directed at me on hers. (I know...I shouldn't read hers, but it's a morbid curiousity--another confession, I guess.) This is absolutely horrible for me to say, and I know God will question me about it, but if and when her husband passes, I won't feel one ounce of sympathy for her. I feel like it will be her punishment for the hell she put my husband and their daughters through.
I hope it's not too late to post a confession. But I have been leading a secret life for years. Dating women (I am a woman) and men both. My family doesn't know, my kids do not know and only one of my friends knows. Now I have been in a relationship with a woman for over two years and I don't know how to get out! I know I will hurt her, but I am over this phase of my life and want to get back to a normal life with a man. I feel trapped.
ReplyDelete