MOM I have an itch...

He WISHES!image courtesy google images

That's the text I got at 6am yesterday morning and since I don't text I walked the 20 steps from one room to another to say 'HUH' cuz we are so Proper here in Oklahoma. In which I heard 'Mom I think I have poison ivy'

Let me re-tell you about Reese and Poison Ivy-the boy can smell it and get it, he can walk past it and get it, he can think about it and get it and it almost always warrents a trip to the Doc, for a shot...but it ain't(yes I said AIN't) contagious...

He doesn't elaborate so I toss him some resinol(it's the miracle cream) and a blow dryer(we've been here before) and tell him if the itching becomes unbareable go to the nurse and call me and I send him on his merry way...cuz I'ma a good mom...I gave him cream and a blow dryer...

Ring Ring Ring UGH Ring Ring Ring UGH!

Me: Housekeeping...
Caller: Silence...
Me: Uno Dos Tres'
Caller: MOMMMMM

Me:busted: yeah?
Caller: who will now be referred to as Reese: I'm at the nurses' office
Me: O-K-A-Y
Reese: She wants me to show her my R-A-Ssss-H
Me: So show her
Reese: MOM...it's below my belly button...
Me: *gulp* you didn't tell me this before...O-K-A-Y and...
Reese: It's down there with my junk
Me: What REAL men don't show their junk?
Reese: MOM!!!!
Me: O-K-A-Y I'm on my way....


So anytime you get a rash here you gotta get a doctors note saying you are NOT contagious before you come back to school...I wanna stop here for a dramatic pause...

imagecourtesygoogleimages

Reese: Mom, what's dad working?
Me: Nights, why?
Reese: I think I have the CRABS and I want dad to take me to the doctor
Me: THE CRABS? Do you even know what/how you get the crabs?
Reese: REAL men get the crabs Mom
Me: I thought it was poison ivy? IT WAS POISON IVY THIS MORNING...RIGHT?
Reese: It's the crabs MOM
Me: You don't want the shot do ya?
Reese: Jason says if you have the crabs you don't get a shot
Me: Who the helk is Jason?
Reese: Nevermind MOM-when is dad waking up?
Me: Soon...
Reese: M-O-M...DON'T BLOG about this
Me: Okay son....

Nothings sacred in this household-I had my fingers crossed...just sayin...

imagecourtesygoogleimages

I have obviously failed as a mom...just sayin...I guess that birds and bees talk didn't go so well-no where in my moms manual did it ever say I would have to explain the difference between poison ivy and THE crabs...nor did I ever think my son would think IT COOLer to have the crabs over poison ivy just to avoid a shot...

Since I don't measure up-
(I'm not bitter I only birthed you, breast feed you and changed your dirty diapers, went to every parent-teacher conference,dealt with pissed off parents when you made balloon animals out of condoms and proudly made halloween masks with a tampon stick-where I got a note from the teacher sayin...maybe you should check his back-pack before he leaves for school )
Nope I'm not bitter...Your dads with you at the after-hours clinic where you will see Dr. Mason and I am sure SHE will take good care of you and all your junk...

My Confession for today: Welcome to MY world...I didn't have brothers or grow up with boy cousins...REESE is a learning curve for me everysingledayandheisfourteen!

Boys

So today I wanna talk about BOYS and how very different my girl beans are in regards to boys.

Oldest bean had her first group date Saturday,they went out to dinner,then to a movie,then midnight bowling...here are a few pics-oh hell I don't know why they are so small

 Here they are at dinner at Los Cabos

                                                               Again at Los cabos

                                                                    Before dinner

                            Oldest bean with the green bowling ball and green jacket

The "couples"

                          A group photo

                               Awwww First Loves-I remember those days-although I am not sure I like where his hand is

Oldest bean had a blast and since there was a group of them I was fine with the whole date aspect of the group date...her boyfriend paid for dinner and the movie-what a gentleman.

Now let's take lilest bean,she's almost 11 in the 5th grade-the other day a boy called for her, I answered then took her the phone,she says hello, then looks HORRIFIED and hands me the phone back, then says "Tell him I moved!" I so do not kid about this!

Today I get a knock on the door and answer it-2 little boys ask if lilest bean is here-I say "Jesssssss, door" she stands there HORRIFIED and one of the little boys says "remember me?" lilest bean shakes her head with the universal YES head nod-through the glass door, then the little boy who is, on roller blades I might add, says "so are you gonna come out?" and lilest bean gives him the universal NO head nod...he says "OK" and rolls down my porch...she turns to me and saysssss "I DO NOT LIKE HIM! I do not even know how he knows where I live! He is Julies boyfriend MOM!" YAY lilest bean still thinks boys have cooties!

My confession for today: My lil heartbreakers