So I have been reading all about everyones escapades at BlogHer '09, looking at everyones pictures-trying to imagine myself in the photo,clicking all the linky loos in the posts, so wanting to be a part of something that I wasn't, telling myself I really didn't miss anything-I prolly would have hid in a corner with a glass of wine and cig in one hand and sucked my thumb with the other hand, but the truth is...I do feel like I missed something and no it wasn't the swag...
I spent most of today reading every single one of the keynotes (if you are like me, did not attend BlogHer 09, then click on the word keynotes and read some of what you missed-word of caution have a box of tissues handy) some made me laugh hysterically, some made me cry to the point that my children considered calling 911, some made me think and evaluate...I left comments on some of the blogs because they moved me, touched me, inspired me-I didn't know these bloggers, they don't know me, but their stories left an impact on me to the point I left their blog feeling like a different person. I felt like I knew them, connected to them,understood them...
Most of my friends/family don't blog and truth be told probably think I am crazy sharing ancient family secrets, making fun of my children,making fun of myself/our family-heck my husband thinks blogging is themoststoopidthingthereis-can I say NO SUPPORT. But he wants hairplugs so what does he know anyway? My friends say 'I just don't have the time' or 'but you really don't know any of those people' or How can you tell the world all about your life or I really don't understand why anyone would blog...see they don't get it...
Since I started blogging I have had to delete one post because I hurt a friends feelings-that was never my intention-most of my blog posts are tongue-in-cheek-in-jest. She didn't understand and that's okay...because I know I can log on and instantly be reminded that somewhere someone out there gets it, gets me....not everyone and that's okay too, even if the vain side of me wants everyone to love me, I ultimately realize not everyone will...
So as I read and digested the words that filled my screen a thought kept running through my head, this thought 'what's your flavor, tell me whats your flavor' NO WAIT that was the commercial that was playing over and over as I read...my thought was 'what's my purpose, why do I blog, what's my niche,gawd I am so D-List'
I write with bad grammar and questionable humor(in my head I'm really funny)-I censor myself so as not to hurt anothers feelings ever again, very rarely do I write anything earth shattering, I don't do politics on my blog, I am a MOM not a mommy anymore, I try not to judge, I haven't expierenced a whole lot of 'MAJORS' in my 38 years of life, so where do I fit in the blog-o-sphere? Does it really matter?
Most of you probably don't even realize that there are days that I feel sad and lonely and unloved and unworthy and under-appreciated and self concious, that I have days that I don't want to talk on the phone or shower or do my hair or makeup or smile or eat. I have days where I just want to live inside my computer, read your stories and forget about everything around me- your stories, your lives, your love, more times than not are what gets me through most days...
To those of you that come back day after day and read me and leave me comments letting me know you were here reading my dribble, Thank You-Thank You for Getting It-You make me feel like I do matter in this big space we call the internet...You have no idea how much...
My confession for today: My plan for the next year is to try and figure out a way to be in NYC in 2010
