They say laughter is the best medicine, but lately I am having a hard time finding my funny bone, with the exception of the other day I was coming out of the bathroom and Abs was coming in and the door collided with my knee, that made me laugh and cry and wince and say farfunuken a whole bunch of times.
Hospice has been sending me grief support brochures,letters,little booklets and I have been devouring them like the pioneer woman's Olive cheese bread.
Don't get me wrong...I am not walking around like a zombie, I'm not sobbing all the time, It's not like I can't function...it's more like a piece of me is missing and I feel empty sometimes.
I will walk past the fridge where Jess has taken it upon herself to be in charge of all 'papa George photos' and every few weeks a new one pops up and I stop and think back to when it was taken, what we were doing...you can see the happiness in their eyes, all 3 of my children sitting on daddys lap-YOU were never to big or old to sit on Papa G's lap, I can almost hear his voice...
Then a tear will fall and I rub the photo and say I Love You Daddy...
I have a point here...amidst all the info from hospice I found they offer grief support groups and even though I may feel like I am 'keeping it all together' I find that I have a need to discuss some things and don't want to be a Debbie Downer to my friends nor do I want to bother my sisters when they themselves are still grieving-
So I attended a group meeting where I could share my frustrations,my loss, why I feel the way I do, Why I think the way I do...I was surrounded by others in various stages of loss, I was welcomed with open arms and no one judged me, if I said something that came out wrong or made no sense no one accused me of anything and the best part...I didn't hurt any ones feelings...something that I have done lately, not intentionally of course...
They let me talk, they listened, they nodded in understanding, they told me the way I was feeling was completely normal, some had been through similar situations. It was nice,it was healing, it helped...
It's a 6 week class where you meet once a week...it's a commitment I intend to keep....
My confession for today: Confession is good for the soul...
